Happy New Year, everyone! May you know the Lord's presence with you more and more in 2012.

Its been an odd New Year for me because I've been ill and that means I haven't said my usual 'goodbyes' to 2011 and looked forward into 2012.  But the theme of the last week has been one of being thankful in whatever our circumstances.

One of my work colleagues this week said that she had been counting her blessings after a particularly bad day on Monday.  She had been touched by words from Matthew Henry, who, after being robbed at his home in his old age, prayed 'I thank Thee first because I was never robbed before; second, because although they took my purse they did not take my life; third, although they took my all, it was not much; and fourth, because it was I who was robbed and not I who robbed.'  

I think God persists with 'themes' in my life because this morning, my friend Sarah text me these lyrics from Annie J Flint and I was reminded again to be thankful in all difficulties because our loving heavenly Father has everything in His hands.

He giveth more grace as our burdens grow greater,
He sendeth more strength as our labours increase;
To added afflictions He addeth His mercy,
To multiplied trials He multiplies peace.

When we have exhausted our store of endurance,
When our strength has failed ere the day is half done,
When we reach the end of our hoarded resources
Our Father’s full giving is only begun.

Fear not that thy need shall exceed His provision,
Our God ever yearns His resources to share;
Lean hard on the arm everlasting, availing;
The Father both thee and thy load will upbear.

His love has no limits, His grace has no measure,
His power no boundary known unto men;
For out of His infinite riches in Jesus
He giveth, and giveth, and giveth again

I give thanks to God for providing faithful friends who support and encourage me, sometimes unknowingly, and usually just at that time when I'm thinking I'll never get better (health wise) or feeling at my wits end.  Praise Him from whom all blessings flow ...

This morning I was browsing Twitter and one of my young friends, Helena, wrote that her Dad had left her a message saying 'don't forget your heart'! Helena commented that of course it was impossible to leave her heart behind as it was inside her, but that the reminder was for her to take an animal heart to school for dissection.

It made me think about taking my heart with me and I felt my Father God, prompting me - 'Don't forget MY heart'.

And I wondered whose heart I was carrying inside me - was it my own heart or was it the heart of God.  Because my behaviour and the lives of other people in the communities that I touch in my life are dependant on whose heart I carry with me.  The heart of the Father or my own heart.

I thought of the praise song 'Hosanna' and the lyrics that speak to me so much:

Part of a TV programme about Louis Spence, Artistic Director of Pineapple Dance Studios made me think about passion.  Louis is a flamboyant and outrageously behaving man, full of life and has many dance and choreography credits to his name.  Louis is quite a controversial character but a part of the programme made me sit up and think.

Louis is 42 years old.  He decided to 'warm up' with a class of 18-20 year olds before he taught them but towards the end of the warm up, he couldn't keep up and was quite upset about it.  He just didn't have the same energy levels he used to have.  But as he started teaching them, it was clear that whilst the younger people were able to do more dance moves and were more supple than him, they had no passion. When they danced, it was easy but they weren't communicating anything.  When Louis danced, he put everything he had in it, every part of him, and his lack of stamina was completely overshadowed by his passion and the life he was able to communicate.  I understand very little about dance but I could easily see that Louis was able to express everything about the music whilst the younger ones were just moving to it.

At evening church last week, we were reading in Romans 8v11 about Jesus being raised from the dead by the same Holy Spirit who lives in us now.  This Spirit that we are freely given if we have faith in Jesus as our Saviour and King, is the very same Spirit who had the power, passion and love to raise Jesus from the dead to save sinners!

I thought of Louis and his passion for dance and how, although his body wasn't perfect, and he couldn't make all the moves because he was older, yet through that medium of dance, he communicated his love and passion and it spoke to me.  We have the Holy Spirit in us, we have such power and love through Jesus living in us.  Are we communicating it?  Or are we just happy that we are able to 'do the moves' without communicating 'the music' to others?

It made me think.  And one things for sure.  It doesn't matter what age we are or however physically challenged - we can passionately communicate God's love and Jesus' salvation through whatever gifts He has given us and give Him the glory He is due.  It might be flower arranging.  It might be playing a musical instrument.  It might be enabling the sound or the projector at Sunday services.  But whatever it is, we must do it with passion, so that we communicate life to others.  Because that's what Jesus did for us.  Gave everything so that we might live.

I was doing a short talk this Sunday evening and read the story of the blind man in Luke 18:31-43 which includes Jesus explaining to the disciples that He must go to the cross but they didn't understand and they didn't ask.

The blind man called out at least twice to Jesus, beseeched Him to have mercy on him.  Nothing stopped him asking, even when he was told to keep quiet.

Jesus asked him 'What do you want me to do for you?'.  The blind man said 'Lord, I want to see'.  He recognised this was someone who could answer his needs.  He told Jesus exactly what his problem was. 

Jesus gave him his sight and added 'your faith has healed you'.  I wonder if I really believe, like this now seeing man, that Jesus can answer my prayers.  Do I keep calling out, whatever the opposition? Do I even ask when I don't understand?

There was a simple ending to this healing, recorded in Luke 18:43.  I had to ask myself, 'is my response the same as the blind man, in knowing that Jesus died for my sins and that I am healed through His sacrifice, His substitution'?  The healed man responded in three ways. 

• He followed Jesus from that point.
• He praised God
• Others saw his sight restored and heard him praising God and following Jesus and praised God themselves. 

God was given all the glory and the response of the blind man furthered His Kingdom.  Mercy Me capture a little of it in their song of worship, 'Here With Me' .

With the situation in Libya having gone from a meeting between nations to missile upon missile being launched within three or four days, my thoughts have been around the subject of peace and the seeming impossibility of it on earth. 

And as I read Zechariah's song of thanksgiving in Luke 1 in preparation for small group tomorrow night, I am reminded that the impossibility of peace is made possible for us who believe in Jesus, who God sent as Light of the world, to 'overcome the darkness and shadow of death' and 'to guide our feet in the path of peace' (Luke 1:79).  This is peace with the perfect God who created the world and saw that it was 'very good', not peace with the world.  It's the only meaningful peace because all earthly things pass away - Psalm 102:25-27 is eloquent on the fraility of the earth and life:

'Of old You (God) laid the foundation of the earth, and the heavens are the work of Your hands. They will perish, but You will remain; they will all wear out like a garment.  You will change them like a robe, and they will pass away, but You are the same, and Your years have no end.'

I want to continue to pray for wisdom and discernment on both sides in brokering peace in Libya but more, to praise God that believers in the good news of Jesus Christ as Saviour have access to eternal peace through His sacrifice and resurrection. He already has secured the victory in the biggest war there will ever be.

I am finding Lent this year really helpful.  Last year, I gave up a computer game, Bejewelled  Blitz, for Lent, thinking that I would spend the time in a more fruitful way but actually ended up just finding different computer games to play!   So I learnt for this year that I would have to be more intentional about my 'giving up' and so gave up all computer games and, as a positive response, have started a Lent diary to put my daily thoughts and events in. 

This morning I was spending some time reading in the Gospel of John.  I have never really understood the meaning of Jesus' saying to his disciples in John 6:53-55 where He says 'Truly, truly, I say to you, unless you eat the flesh of the Son of Man and drink His blood, you have no life in you.  Whoever feeds on  my flesh and drinks my blood has eternal life and I will raise him up on the last day.'  It sounds such an alien type of behaviour to eat flesh and drink blood of a person and other than observing Communion, have found it difficult.

As I was reading it, I thought of how, when seeing a new baby or a beautiful child, I often think, and sometimes say, 'oh, you're so gorgeous I could eat you'.  Or I want to hold the child so tight that it becomes part of me. 

I seemed to grasp a small idea of a meaning to this text.  My heart's response to Jesus as my Saviour is to want to have Him as close as possible, for Him to be part of me, to 'eat' Him, just as my heart's response is, in love, to the beauty and innocence of a child.

I know there is more in this text, perhaps in a suffering context, and a depth that I am not even close to exploring but this small insight has helped me this morning. 

It has been quite a while since I wrote a blog entry, mainly because I have been so busy but also because my mind has been quiet, story wise.  But this last few days I came across an old joke which always makes me laugh out loud.  It goes like this:

'I gave my children a pack of batteries for Christmas this year.  The label said 'Toys not included'.'

I have no idea why I find this so funny but there you go!  But I began thinking about it literally and thought how, without the batteries, the toy is 'dead'.  It has no power.  Its probably lovely to look at and keep nice but it can't be used to its full potential.  And the same applies to the batteries.  They might be full of power but if they don't have a toy or appliance to 'power up', they are just as useless.

It made me think about God's people without the Holy Spirit.  I was reminded of the valley of bones where the Sovereign God brought Ezekiel by the power of the Holy Spirit and asked him whether the bones could live. 

'Our bones are dried up and our hope is gone.' No energy.  No batteries.  No life.

But what did the Lord say? 'I will put my Spirit in you and you will live.'  (Ezekiel 37:1-14)

We are like the 'toy'.  I pray that we all receive that gift, the 'batteries', of the Holy Spirit, especially at this time of celebrating the birth of Jesus, the Son of God.  Its the only way that we can live to our full potential, in His power and for His glory in the coming year, learning more of Him daily and furthering God's Kingdom on earth and in heaven.

Wishing you all every blessing this Christmas and for 2011.

I have been fascinated by the story of the Chilean miners who have spent the last two months over two thousand feet below the earth and today have been rescued after painstaking work by engineers to install a lift shaft and capsule to bring them back up to the surface.

It brings to mind many verses in the Bible that talk of being rescued from the depths, one being Psalm 71:20 (ESV) which describes the Chilean miners ordeal almost exactly:

'You who have made me see many troubles and calamities will revive me again; from the depths of the earth you will bring me up again.'

I also find it interesting that the miners are now being kept in hospital in darkened rooms for a couple of days to be monitored because their eyes are not used to the bright light of the sun and they have had little real sustenance not to mention the dust in the air below ground invading their lungs. 

On a spiritual level, when touched by the bright Sun of righteousness, we revel in it, shout about it initially, because its what we've been praying for, safety, salvation and rescue.  The miners did just that as they came up out of that shaft, out from that hopeless darkness where they thought they would die.  But sometimes it takes a long time to get used to that Light. 

If you have been used to being in the Light spiritually, as the miners had done in a physical sense before the collapse of the mine, and for one reason or another you go into the depths, into darkness for a time, coming back into the Light can be a slow process once the initial euphoria of safety and wonder has faded.  You may falter because you need sustenance and cleansing and it may be difficult to cope. 

You might even find yourself looking for the comfort of the darkness again, because in it there was little responsibility or purpose except to wait and hope.  Coming into the light both physically and spiritually shows up responsibilities and issues that perhaps have been left behind or that have been damaging whilst in the darkness. 

I know that after spending over twenty years in spiritual darkness, it took a while to understand the full Light of the Word and that I'm not fully there yet.  There is a tendency to look away when responsibilities of righteousness are demanded of me, sometimes when I should have purpose about how I live.  The Bible describes this in the story of Elijah who had triumphed over Baal's priests and proved the almighty power of his (and our) one true God, yet he went into darkness, he looked away, he was afraid of his responsibilities, he lost strength to continue in purpose (I Kings 19).

So as I rejoice in the rescue of the Chilean miners as they are brought out of the depths of the earth back into the sunlight, I wonder whether, when people are brought into spiritual light whether too much is expected of them too early.  I think again of God providing rest and a meal for Elijah, bringing him out of his darkness and speaking to him in a still small voice.

So I should carefully support and encourage those coming into God's Light, not expecting too much but, whilst rejoicing in wonder and joy at the Light of the World bringing a lost sheep into the fold or seeing a prodigal return, being ready to welcome them back with a short stay in a darkened room, extra sustenance, extra care, extra love until they learn how to live fully in the Light.   

I have been waiting in for the gas man to do his annual inspection of our gas appliances.  This is the fourth time of waiting.  For the first appointment we had, Hubby was at home.  It was ten to five and the gas man handed Hubby a card saying that we weren't in so we should make another appointment! Hubby pointed out to the man that handing him a 'you're not in' card was rather ironic - the gas man said that he didn't work after five.  It was ten to! 

So we booked another appointment for between 8am-10am.  No-one turned up but we returned home to another 'you were not in' card and the lady in their office said the appointment had been between 8am until 1pm. 

That wasn't what I'd arranged so I booked another appointment, emphasising between 8am-10am and again, no-one turned up and I called the office straight away.  This time they apologised and said that the man they had booked didn't have the right qualifications to do the water heater inspection, that he had called his controller and left a message but the controller had been off sick and the message hadn't got through.  The office lady said she would ring me with a new appointment as soon as she found someone with the right certificate. When we got home around 5.30pm on the same day there was a call from another lady at the gas office on our answerphone saying that it was 4.30pm and where were we because the gas man was waiting outside our front door!

This time, Hubby decided it was time to email and that did the trick! I got a call telling me 8am, first call tomorrow, that's now today and the gas man with the right qualifications and equipment has arrived and is cleaning out our gas fire as I type.  He'll do the water heater and cooker after that.

After the third 'no show' of this saga, I could quite easily believe that the gas man didn't exist.  I'd seen the 'you're not in' cards which suggested that someone had been to the house, I had spoken to their representatives on the phone, Hubby had seen someone who said they were a gas man but who hadn't had time to do the inspection, and I had been told that there were many gas men but not with the right qualifications. 

It would be easy to believe that God doesn't exist for the same reasons - there are documents, like the Bible, there are archaeological finds and other writings that confirm the history of the Bible that suggest God exists, there are preachers, God's representatives, who, week in, week out, proclaim there is a God, and that He will turn up if you ask Him, there are people who say they have met God.  But if you haven't actually seen God for yourself, you would think that He doesn't exist.   

I think what I'm trying to say is this saga has been a bit of a parable about seeking God to come into our lives, to get that 'inspection' done, to be clean through the 'qualifications' of Jesus - the only One with the right qualifications - so that our'equipment' for sharing the warmth of God's love in our own lives and the lives of others around us is fully efficient and effective. 

We now have a fully working gas fire, gas cooker and gas water heater because the gas man with the right qualifications does exist.  I've seen him and seen his work.

When God turns up in people's lives, there can be no doubt that He exists because of His transforming power and love.  Ask and you will receive, seek and you will find, knock and the door will be opened.

Its been a couple of weeks full of celebrations - two weddings to be precise.  Hubby's second cousin Dave was married to Sue on the previous Sunday followed by daughter Julia marrying her Dan a week ago on Friday.  How wonderful it was to share with our families at these special gatherings, meeting new and old family members and spending time catching up and finding out about peoples lives.  These were two family gatherings that we'd looked forward to for months and that we would not have missed for anything.

As a consequence, I missed two Sunday worship times and it was a real joy to get back to Church today, ironically on 'Back to Church Sunday', and to worship our Father God together with my Church family again and to share our stories, our lives.

It made me think about whether I have the same urgency and excitement about attending Church and meeting up with God's family, with my sisters and brothers in Christ and whether I go to the same lengths to prepare for spiritual times of worship as I do before attending our natural family gatherings.  Church is a weekly time of talking to our Father, hearing His voice and worshipping Him, celebrating the good news of Jesus and sharing what the Holy Spirit has done in our lives, learning more about Him.  I wondered if, because its such a regular event, whether I take meeting together with my Church family for granted?

What's the motivation to gather as a 'family', at either natural or spiritual family get togethers? It's love, the longing to see and hear from people I care about deeply.  Do I long to hear more about Jesus, who loved me so much, He gave His life for me? Do I thirst to know my Father God more, to worship Him more, follow in His ways?  

'Let us consider how to stir up one another in love and good works, not neglecting to meet together, as is the habit of some, but encouraging one another, and all the more as you see the Day drawing near.' (Hebrews 10:24-25)    

Tomatoes seem to be invading my life at the moment.  Max Lucado commenting that 'Knowledge is knowing that a tomato is a fruit; wisdom is knowing not to put it in a fruit salad' and a comment on my soon to be leaving Pastor's blog on 'Waiting' prompted this blog entry.

I have been thinking about waiting a lot recently in relation to my husband's tomato 'vineyard' that he has cultivated from scratch this year.  He carefully tended the plants, from seed, through seedlings, planted them out everywhere he could find a spare space in our small garden, stripped them of their lower leaves according to good practice, talked to them, watched them as the flowers came, died off and became little tomatoes, watered them and watched the little tomatoes become green round spheres and since then, has continued to watch and wait for the ripening.  The tomatoes stubbornly remained green.  For weeks.

Hubby began to talk about various methods of turning them red.  Putting them in brown paper bags.  Putting them in the fruit bowl.  Moving them into the middle of the garden to catch every bit of sunlight possible.  Putting them under glass.  Discussion upon discussion was had as to the best way of ripening them.  Even (I say this in a whisper) green tomato chutney was mentioned.

At the weekend, there was a suggestion of blush on two tomatoes.  On Monday there was a definite embarrassment and by today the first ripe, soft, sweet cherry tomato was fully ready.  It was eaten with delight and great joy.  The waiting had been worth it.

All this reminded me of how we go about our life sometimes.  We see a 'door' open before us, something we are equipped to do, we do everything we can to produce the 'fruit of our labour' to the very best of our ability, and it all seems to come to a sudden stop as we wait for our hard work to come to 'fruition'.  When it doesn't seem to be going that final step, we plan how we can 'force' it but if we wait for the Sun to come, it produces the best possible fruit, food full of glory for it's Maker.  It becomes a main item on the plate, not just a pulped condiment.

'Be patient therefore brothers (and sisters) until the coming of the Lord. See how the farmer waits for the precious fruit of the earth, being patient about it, until it receives the early and late rains.  You also be patient.  Establish your hearts for the coming of the Lord is at hand'.  James 5:6-8 (ESV)

However much we think we don't, we do compare and measure ourselves against other people, whether it is physical appearance or behaviour, bad or good.  We measure how we are 'doing' in our lives by how others live.  We bankroll a huge media industry because of the enjoyment of reading how bad someone else has been.  We like to read of how fat a celebrity has become because it makes us feel better or we 'follow' someone we want to be like because we compare ourselves unfavourably to them.

A comment made by Paul Olise in his 'evangelist's' sermon yesterday (available here) has given me food for thought.  I have always thought that I am not particularly influenced by what others say or do, how good or bad they appear to me but because I found his comment telling and challenging, I have reviewed my opinion. 

Paul Olise was quoting Romans 3, that 'none are righteous, no, not one' and had spoken of how we think that one person is better than us or others because they have done 'good works' or healed or give a lot to charity.  He then said, 'We cannot measure how good we are against other people's good or bad, we are measured against how good God is.' 

I realised how deceitful my heart is.  There is nothing that makes me as good as God.  It is the measure of how good we are before our righteous Father God that is the only measure of any consequence and value. 

We need that more than anything else because it is only by using that measure of our lives that we can recognise our need of faith in Jesus Christ, His perfect life, death and resurrection.  We can't trust in anything else or anyone else.  Only Jesus is the perfect measure of righteousness for God to be able to accept us, only Jesus 'measures up'.

Its 20 days since my last post and its been very busy as usual.  But my pervading thought has been that it doesn't matter how busy its been or what I feel I've achieved, because if I have done or said anything without the Lord in it, it has been worthless, of no value, nothing, pointless.  This thought stemmed originally from reading Psalm 127:1-4:

'Unless the Lord builds the house, those who build it labour in vain.  Unless the Lord watches over the city, the watchman stays awake in vain.  It is in vain that you rise up early and go late to rest, eating the bread of anxious toil; for He gives to His beloved sleep.' 

I have been particularly busy at work and at home, sometimes feeling a bit overwhelmed, I have heard the Lord whisper to me, 'Rest in me' and I think of Mary, choosing the better part and listening to Jesus (Luke 10:40-42).  I remember that I am not 'building the house' by preparing for a great 'event' once or twice a week but facilitating a family gathering where our Father is given praise and worship due to Him alone who is holy and worthy.

Conversely I am not to 'do nothing' and wait for it all to be done around me.  There are those who are building and those who are watchmen in Psalm 127.  The key to getting the balance right may be to ask 'to whose instructions do we build' or 'watch' and 'why are we building and watching'?  These verses in Colossians 1:28-29 clarified the 'why?' and 'for who?' to me and are for all of us, we are all 'ministers' with a responsibility to be salt and light to the world and to His family:

'Him we proclaim, warning everyone and teaching everyone with all wisdom, that we may present everyone mature in Christ.  For this I toil, struggling with all His energy that He powerfully works in me.'

For this I toil.

Yesterday after a very busy couple of weeks, I received a bouquet from the Church Elders, my 'bosses', as a thank you for my work which I took home and put in my kitchen because it stays cool in there and the flowers last much longer. 

In the evening, Hubby had cooked a wonderful meal for me after some lessons in stir fry cooking from daughter Julia (she has been to Malaysia and Singapore and all those places and done a cooking course there.)  When I got home the food smelled lovely and it was just as lovely to eat.  But when I was washing up later, I noticed that the smell in the kitchen was quite cloying and strong and had become quite unpleasant. 

I sat down in the lounge (next door to the kitchen) and then thought, 'oh I forgot the coffee'! So up I got and, as I walked towards the kitchen door, there was a wonderful flower scent coming from the Elders gift, cutting right through the food smell.  I couldn't smell the food at all, only this glorious fragrance.  It reminded me of Jesus. 

This lovely scent reminded me that however lovely things are in the world are, however nice they smell and however pleasurable they are to eat or partake in, that pleasure is fleeting and it soon becomes decayed and smelly.  If we rest too much in those worldly things, then our faith too becomes rotten.  But the 'fragrance', the presence of the Lord cuts through all that decay and overcomes it.

I am a football lover - unusual, I know, for a woman, but I have loved the 'beautiful game' for almost as long as I can remember.  The 2010 World Cup had been a long awaited event for me especially taking place in South Africa where there has been such amazing change in recent history, and in particular with the stories of Nelson Mandela and Desmond Tutu, people's lives that have counted for peace.

However, during the last four weeks I almost lost hope in seeing the game I love played with skill, honour and in good heart.  It was, at times, as if the best players in the world didn't show up.  The World Cup Final tonight had the promise of being a great spectacle of some of the world's best footballers and footballing skills.  Instead, it was a debacle of petty rivalries and cynical fouls, like children unable to get what they want by playing nicely so they turn to temper tantrums.  It was so disappointing.

Sometimes our lives descend into the type of behaviour witnessed on the pitch tonight - when the pressure in our lives mounts, thats when it becomes all about 'me' instead of all about the One who has taught us and saved us and who deserves all the praise.  There are spur of the moment decisions instead of thoughtful movement.  And when we don't get our own way, what we think we deserve, or we have got hurt, we say things like 'how dare you treat me like this' or behave cynically and without love.  We expect others to be 'yellow' or 'red' carded as they 'deserve'.

But whatever I have done, however I have behaved, I thank God the Father that I can never be disappointed in Him, who provided Jesus to die for me so that I might learn to be part of His team through the guidance and training of the Holy Spirit, who would teach and hone my gifts and skills so that I can 'press toward the mark of the high calling of God in Christ Jesus', forgetting what lies behind and looking forward to what lies ahead (Philippians 3:13).

Spain are the only team to have gone on to win the World Cup after losing their first match.  I pray that when I lose, that the Lord will remind me that I may lose one but Jesus has already got the whole victory.

Well, its been a great day - the culmination of a lot of planning and organising for a long time, particularly for Helen, our Community Projects Worker, but all went well.

Pembury Baptist Church along with the Pembury Churches Together team (St Peters Church of England and St Anselms Catholic Church) this afternoon ran a Village Fun Day with something for everyone in Pembury, inflatables and face painting for the children, food and drink for all, live music and gymnastic displays as well as 50 different organisations having stalls and games.  The aim of Pembury Fun Day is simply to provide the villagers of Pembury with a special afternoon of fun and joy, to show God's love through the actions of the Churches.

The Lord blessed us with a real peace as we organised it, especially in the last two weeks.  Then this Wednesday we heard that the curtainsider lorry that we had hired to act as our 'stage' for the live music had been involved in a fatal accident last weekend and that the Police had to keep it until after the court case.  We rang round the various hire companies and found out very quickly that there was nothing else available because a nearby town, Paddock Wood, had their carnival on the very same day and they were all in use for floats in the procession.  We prayed that the Lord would work to provide us with a vehicle suitable for the stage.

An hour later, Cora called from T&T Express to say that the original hire company (TonHire) had asked them if they could provide us with a vehicle to replace the original.  She said they had one for us that they would provide, with a driver as well.  (The original hire vehicle would have had to be picked up by a volunteer and taken back after the event.) 

We were overjoyed at God's clear provision.  But God didn't just provide like for like, because Cora said not only could we have the lorry and driver but it would be a gift for the day.  This saved us over one hundred pounds in hire charges and it was confirmation of God's amazing abundance in practical provision as well as gracious confirmation of His hand being on the Fun Day.

Thank you Lord.  May Your Kingdom come.

I am wondering if the 'season' for my blog has passed.  It becomes harder and harder at the moment to find time to write down my thoughts.  There are so many battles but what I want to do, like Samuel in 1 Samuel 7, is to take a 'stone', to leave a marker here on this blog, and put down 'Ebenezer' or a 'stone of help' because the Lord has helped me thus far.  

In the Old Testament story, Samuel had again cried out to the Lord for Israel and, as he was offering up the burnt offering, the Philistines drew near to attack.  The Lord completely overcame the Philistines, the enemy, He put them to confusion and Samuel then set down this marker to recognise the Lord's continuing help right up to that point.

There are many thoughts around this but here are a couple.  My parents have been married for, I think, 54 years today.  God has been with them thus far and with me too for giving me parents who have faith in Jesus.

My car is nine years old in November, I had it from new - I have called it Ebenezer from the start, only because of the letters in the number plate EZN which, although the wrong way round, immediately reminded me of that name.  But it has been a real help with few problems over the last nine years and so its name is becoming self fulfilling. 

I have cried out many times to the Lord and He has always helped, not sometimes in the way that I might have hoped but it has always 'worked together for good', just as He promises.  Thank you Lord.

It's time for my second week of annual leave this year and it seems to have been a long time coming!  The last few months, for one reason or another, have been difficult and it is nice to take the opportunity to rest.

I often feel the weight of the 'commandment' to love God with all my heart, soul, body and mind and to love my neighbour as myself, and when I am struggling spiritually, I worry about how I can possibly love God and love my neighbour.  During a time of prayer with a friend this week, I admitted how I felt that I failed badly at fulfilling this commandment.  Jean said 'God loved you first, whatever.  He knows you, all about you, and He loved you first without any love on your part.'

It has been as if a weight has been lifted from me over the last few days and I am rejoicing in the knowledge that God loved me first and that nothing I can do or have done will change how much He loves me.  It is the same for you. 

'Beloved, let us love one another, for love is from God and whoever loves has been born of God and knows God.... In this is love, not that we have loved God but that He loved us and sent His Son to be the propitiation for our sins.' 1 John 4:7-10

I have been trying to give my day to the Lord every morning as I wake as I mentioned in my last post.  It has been helpful, I believe, but still the troubles of life continue as with everyone and I am easily distracted from the path that follows Jesus.  I tend to get rather despondent about this and, in a way, quite rightly, because if I felt satisfied every time I wandered off, I wouldn't bother to return until something really bad happened.  But I just wanted to encourage everyone to keep going, keep turning back to follow Jesus - don't think that this time you failed once too often. 

My reading notes this morning from The Word for Today said something which made me again recognise my weaknesses but to turn again to a perfect Saviour.  It read 'The truth is, God doesn't judge our mistakes nearly as harshly as we do' and quoted Psalm 103 v14 (ESV) 'For He knows our frame; He remembers that we are dust.'  Be encouraged to turn back to Him who knows us, knows our weaknesses and still died for us so that we might ultimately have the victory and He might receive the praise and honour due to Him.

I had the privilege of praying for someone this morning and as I prayed for her, I realised how much of my day I spent focussed on how I felt, whether I was in pain and whether I was happy or miserable.  I was challenged to think about why it was, when I woke up, the first thing I focussed on was how I was feeling and whether the weather was good or bad (an English culture problem!).

What amazing things might happen for God's Kingdom and for His praise and glory if, instead, when I woke up every morning, I prayed for God to open up opportunities that day to speak for Him and to be His hands and feet in everything I do? 

I thought how much time I spend worrying about the future, whether I will have time to do this or that, how long I will be in pain, why I feel hurt ... yet Jesus said quite clearly in the sermon on the mount that if I seek first the Kingdom of God and His righteousness, all those other things would be taken care of.

In the Lord's Prayer, the prayer that Jesus taught his disciples then and us now to pray, we are to pray for God's kingdom to come and for His will to be done first, then for bread, for forgiveness, for forgiving others (relationships), to keep us from temptation and evil.  It is His Kingdom that has the power and the glory, for ever and ever.

I want to live day by day - sufficient to the day is the evil thereof - giving each day over to God's will.  I can hear me answering myself, 'well that won't happen, you're too weak'.  Why not?  Has God not given us the Holy Spirit to guide and teach us as we walk? Don't I believe in a God that has the power to keep me and who cared so much for His people that He sent His only Son, Jesus to die for us, to overcome death for us?  'Who do you say that I am?', Jesus asked Peter.  Who do I say that Jesus is?

I will of course never be perfect in this lifetime and there are times of trial, difficulty and brokenness but my heart's desire is to worship God, day by day during my lifetime and to be used by Him for His Kingdom here on earth because He will sort out everything else.

How about you?

I read an article in the Baptist Times during my lunchtime which reminded me of some years ago when the Lord had taught me that my faith was not just for Sundays, for one day of the week but for every day of my life.  The article writer, Mark Greene, said that he was being driven to a speaking engagement by the wife of a pastor and whilst talking about her work, she said 'I've been working 17 years in the same place and its only in the last year that I've recognised my workplace as a ministry.  How many Christians die without ever realising the ministry God had for them?'. 

This really spoke to me.  I felt that I needed a fresh insight into ministering to people, not only in my Church but to those in my neighbourhood, my workplace, my family and friends and anyone who I come in contact with.

Faith is a daily, live-encompassing walk, I remembered.  I am not advocating shouting the good news of Jesus to everyone in the street (although if God called me to do that, I know He would equip me to carry out His will) but to pray that God will open up opportunities every day where His love might be shown and that He might make the need known so that I can be His hands and feet and share His saving love with all around me in the communities in which I work, live and play.  Its what 'shining our light' is all about, being 'salt' amongst the people we mix with.

Sometimes it can be as simple as an answer to how your weekend went, by saying that you went to church.  It opens the opportunity for others to ask questions like why, what was it like, what do you do there, or it simply provides an opening for questions or conversation at a later date.

I think I forget that God uses the small things, the helping hand, the simple comment, the lending of a tissue when someone is upset, as little links in the long chain that eventually leads that person to know Jesus as their Saviour and King.  We only have to ask and God will use us in His work and equip us to share and minister to people for His kingdom and His glory.

.. when reading my last blog again that I had not mentioned that of course we are not able to keep God's laws fully because we are sinners by birth.  And there is only one Way to be rescued from sin and eternal death, and that is through the death and resurrection of Jesus who has kept the Law, who was qualified to do that as the Son of God and who stands between us and God as our Surety.  Jesus has taken our place and we only have to believe in Him and follow Him to know Him as our Saviour and Ruler.

My last blog was simply the description of a comparison that had been going on in my head when contemplating which of the UK political parties offered policies that I could believe in and the ten commandments.

We, as followers of Jesus, have a responsibility to be obedient to Him who has paid the price for our sin.  We can only do that with the help of the Holy Spirit, the Spirit of Jesus who was left with us to guide us and to give us gifts that will serve God and further His Kingdom.  If you believe in a political party, believe in their policies and follow them, you hope it will help the country you live in to success and better living conditions for everyone.  Following Jesus can do all that, but for life and eternity, not just for now.

If you've sinned again, and you will, don't spend time beating yourself up.  Turn back to Christ.  There is no excuse for our sin, nor are we to 'sin that grace may abound' (Romans 6:1) but you can ask for forgiveness and keep following after your Saviour.  Jesus knows your weaknesses already, you are not hidden from God when in sin however hidden you are from other people.  He is still willing and ready to forgive.  Even the Apostle Paul, a Pharisee of the Pharisees, a man who had spent his life being obedient to what he believed said that he did what he did not want to do and did not do what he wanted to (Romans 7:14-15).

We have hope in Jesus even when we don't keep the rules.  Turn to Him.  He can rescue you and free you from the slavery of sin.

We are in the grip of election fever in the UK as well as it being the time of year for my church's Annual General Meeting which involved voting in new Elders and discussing a possible new constitution.  Its all about rules and policies and ruling bodies so I wasn't particularly surprised to wake up this morning thinking about the ten commandments! 

I realised again how there needs to be the right rules in place in a country or a church because without that framework, the people won't know how to follow, to be part of that culture or how to live.  Good leaders with clear policies, rules and visions are paramount. 

God our Ruler gave the ten commandments to illustrate His holiness, His justice and righteousness, how He intended His created people to live together in His world for them to have the best life possible and for Him to receive the glory that is due to King and Creator.

When I reviewed just the first three of the commandments and thought about the rules and regulations, the policies of the political parties in the UK, I was saddened to realise how far we as a nation have come in separation from God's law.  There is little recognition in this country of the one true God, and there are many 'idols' that have taken His place in our lives, material things if not other beliefs.  Every day God's holy name is taken in vain, and every time I see 'oh my god' written in 'short form' as it is so regularly, it presses home the fact that few people know God and even fewer know that 'omg' causes Him pain.  Has it made the country more peaceful, more loving, has it made the people happier?  No.

Going on through the commandments, honouring your father and mother, killing, lying, wanting what others have, adultery - disobedience in many of these things  has become almost normal or at least, many excuses are made as to why they have not been kept and why its alright to cause pain to other people, let alone to God.

I recognised that I am guilty at allowing the breaking of these righteous rules to be excused in my own mind.  Jesus says if we are to follow Him, we must love God with all our heart, soul, body and mind and love our neighbour as ourselves.  I don't know who to vote for to get Britain back on the right track as far as regulations and policies go and I hope, before next week, that I have made up my mind because it is important for everyone to vote. 

On a personal level, I am absolutely sure that obedience to God's word has to start in my own life, being an example just as we hope our country's rulers will be obedient in their lives to their own policies.   I also know that much prayer is needed.  But I know that the closer we all walk to God's law, as best we can, the happier we will be, the more loving we will be and God will receive the glory due to Him.

I hope you've had a very special Easter.  We had a week of short reflection services from the Monday to Maundy Thursday which were thoughtful interludes, taken from St. Mark's Gospel, of Jesus and the disciples journey as they travel to Jerusalem, ultimately to the death and resurrection of Jesus.

On Wednesday we thought about the contrast in motive between the woman who anointed Jesus with a year's salary worth of perfume (the average UK salary in 2009 was about £18,000 after tax just to give some idea of the sacrifice) and Judas, whose greed led him to betray Christ.  One gave her all to show her love of Christ.  The other gave his all for self love and self gain.

We've been back at work for a week after our Easter weekend break.  I haven't felt that well, first with a very sore throat, then a stye on my eye, then losing my voice and now a chest infection.  I'm quite low and run down.  But I woke this morning and have been unable to move the thought from my mind that it is humility in people and their subsequent actions that changes more lives long term than people who are self assured and self important. 

I thought of Mother Teresa.  And the woman who anointed Jesus in preparation for His burial.  Jesus Himself said that the act of the woman would never be forgotten, that her story would continue to be told (Mark 14).  I have thought of Peter, his statement to Jesus, SO sure of himself, 'I will never deny you', and his subsequent three time denial then that look from Christ.  A humbled Peter was used greatly by the Holy Spirit in setting up the New Testament church. 

Of course, the ultimate example of changing people's lives for ever through a life of humility is that of the Lord Jesus Christ.  There lies the perfect pattern for life.  Follow Him.

In the blog entry,'Speaking' (10th March 10), I mentioned how I had given a talk on 'Lent' to an elderly audience including an example of giving up a computer game and how Dolly, a lady in the audience, had said how she had really enjoyed the talk as she loved her computer game and spent a lot of time playing it.  At the end of that particular talk, I invited everyone to come along to a Sunday service and if the only reason they didnt' come was because they didn't have a way of getting to church, to let someone know and lifts would be arranged for them.

Today I was given such encouragement by the Lord when I was told that Dolly and her friend Doreen had asked at the next week's Day Centre, whilst I was on holiday, if someone could pick them up so they could attend the Sunday service.  This was arranged, they attended and enjoyed it very much, staying to the 'Bring and Share' lunch after.  Part of the service included the congregation being asked to share if they had done anything completely new that week and Dolly and Doreen felt comfortable enough to put their hands up and say that it was their first time in church.

Please pray for these ladies that it will not be their only visit and that their hearts will be opened to hear God's word for themselves, that they will know their need of a Saviour and that Christ will be revealed to them.  Thank God for His amazing grace.

We've been away for a week to the Norfolk Broads (East England) and seen so many different types of wildlife, waterways and wonders, it has been a real time of blessing.  It has also been a time of relaxation, bed early and up early!  I am so thankful for having been able to take a week off and to go away somewhere different.  To cap it all, the weather has been the first rain free week since last year.

On Thursday, the most expensive part of the car's exhaust broke but from the time it came apart, sounding like a teenager's souped up car, to leaving the garage repaired was a mere three hours.  This was so much of God's hand, especially as where we had originally travelled in the morning was about an hour away from where we were staying, and because it had been very disappointing we had come back to base, slightly irritated. 

When only three miles from our holiday home, the exhaust fell apart.  We were in Wroxham, in a place where we could ask someone where we could have the car repaired which was only half a mile away, we could walk from the garage into town and back, enjoy a coffee by the river whilst it was being mended and the parts and labour cost around a third cheaper than it would have been if it had happened in our home town.

It simply felt as if at every turn, the path was being made straight.  God is so good.

This week so far has been normal.  Lots of work, the boss is back but its normal.  Lovely.

Today I gave a little talk to the Day Centre.  It was hard to know what I should speak on and for some reason, Lent seemed to be on my mind.  I have given up playing a computer game for Lent because it takes up a great deal of time (although its very relaxing) that could be more profitably spent.  I spent quite a lot of time thinking about whether it was really what I should talk about when my audience would average around 78 years old.  I didn't think they would really be touched by my example or be interested.  But still, I couldn't think of another subject and I needed to explain what I had given up and why.  In the end I just explained it as part of my talk.

As I walked back to my seat ready for lunch after giving my talk and saying grace, Dolly, a lady in her late 70's grabbed my arm and said 'I did enjoy your talk.  I knew exactly what you meant about your computer game'.  She continued 'I play a computer game and a new version has come out but I know that if I get it, I will spend even more time playing it!'

God knows exactly who He wants to speak to and on what, however odd it might seem.  It was a lesson to me, to just trust what the Lord is saying to me and share what He gives.  I had wasted time trying to think of another talk that might be 'more appropriate' but it shows how much I know!  I can only praise Him for His kindness in letting me speak about something relevant and that met someone's need, someone I didn't know but God did.

I had hoped that 2010 might be a year when I would be steadfast, that my desire for the Lord would exceed that which I had previously and that I would walk effectively for His glory and the furthering of His Kingdom here on earth.  Since my last post I have been bombarded with joy and difficulties en masse.  It has been like this:

21st January - my Pastor and boss was signed off for six weeks with exhaustion.

23rd January - I visited my Gran in Wiltshire with my youngest daughter to spend some time with her before she was taken home to be with her Lord the following Wednesday.  What an honour and privilege to have those special hours!

1st February - we drove back down to Wiltshire for Grandma's funeral and time spent afterwards with those people who she had impacted over her 104 year life.  Many testified to her prayers for them.  But what a hole she leaves in our family and she will be sorely missed.

2nd February - my middle daughter was baptised in Lamberhurst, another time of thanksgiving and praise for God's mercy.  It also afforded the opportunity for me to have a few words with a lady who has prayed for me for over 30 years and who continued to believe that I was a child of God even through the 20 years I spent wandering aimlessly in the 'wilderness'.  She has been a 'mother in Israel' that the kind Lord has provided to bring my sorry case before Him.

6th February - back down to Wiltshire to celebrate my eldest daughter's 30th birthday with both sides of her family, a lovely day.

7th February - at 11pm, I had to call an ambulance for my husband who had excruciating chest pain, could hardly breathe or talk.  He had not had a heart attack which had been the original suspicion but has to go back next week for tests for heart disease.  I had a day and a half off work.

It seemed that everything was going back to normal until 23rd February when Hubby had to go back into hospital, this time with severe 'stitch' in his stomach which appears to be unconnected with the chest pain but may be a hiatus hernia.  He now has a regime of tablets for six to eight weeks and further tests if that doesn't heal.

On 25th February, Hubby woke up at 2am with a violent vomiting bug - I drove 8 miles at 6am to the out of hours doctor to get anti sickness pills for him only to get home and find I had been given the wrong tablets, having to turn round, drive the 8 miles again and pick up the right tablets. 

My Pastor and boss is due back on Sunday! 

You will gather maybe why I haven't had much time to keep my website up to date.  I thank you for your prayers and for the encouragement of the email received that my updates were being missed.  I hope that I am going to be able to get back in routine now and that the rollercoaster ride is now over.  We have been screaming all the way round the track, sometimes with joy, sometimes with sorrow but we haven't been thrown out, thanks be to God. 

I spoke today at a service at Kenward Trust, a place provided for recovering addicts, and felt I had to speak on Jesus being in control over the wind and waves and that simply a word from Him calms the seas.  However the storms buffet us, we have an Almighty God who knows our every need and who is in charge.  It seemed rather appropriate for me.

Just a couple of things I wanted to share other than my eldest daughter Sarah has reached the age of 30 today! It simply doesn't seem possible that the time has passed by so fast but it does raise questions about how I have spent my time and what I could have been doing to further God's Kingdom, not my own, when time is so short (this thought is expressed better in the Mercy Me song 'In the Blink of an Eye').

I sent a text to my friend who has been very low recently mentioning that in our church service today I had been reminded that Jesus came for bad people, not good and what a relief that was.  She replied, 'I read my tax return this week - it was folded over.  The first line read 'Nothing to Pay'.'

And that's just how it is, so thank the Lord that we have nothing to pay, it is through His grace that we are saved, rescued from ourselves, not through ANYTHING that we can do or have done ourselves.

Another thing this week - I have heard two sermons this week that used the words 'embody Jesus' when describing how we are to walk here on earth and this has stayed with me.  We 'embody' Jesus when He lives in every part of our being and life and we spread His 'good news' for His praise and glory through our lives because we love God with all our heart and we love our neighbours as ourselves.  People notice and want to know more.

Finally, we have a Church Day of Prayer and Fasting this Tuesday for two friends in the church who have cancer.  May God hear our prayers for them and may He not only heal them but may He act swiftly in Haiti to get aid and equipment in to those very needy people.

First things first.. I wish you every blessing in the New Year and thank you for sticking with me and supporting me!  I started writing this blog on 1st January 2010 but I didn't finish or publish it and time has gone on.  I had originally written the two paragraphs below.

'My readings and thoughts this morning seem to have been focussed on 'ploughing on', about endurance, patience and perseverence.  The Word for Today reading has been about what our vision is for the New Year - God gave me a vision five years ago, vineyards to tend for Him (Hosea 2v15) - and I have been well aware that my focus had slipped for a few months so I asked the Lord to renew my strength and His vision, to press on for His Kingdom.

A couple of verses came to mind, one I mentioned in one of my recent blogs in Hebrews 12vs 12-13 'Therefore strengthen your feeble arms and weak knees! Make level paths for your feet so that the lame may not be disabled but rather healed.' and again I was reminded that although I was lame with sin, I was responsible for being obedient and following my Lord so I needed to remove any obstacles in my way.'

Since I wrote that, all sorts of things have become difficult.  I'm not ill but people around me have been, I'm not angry but people around me have been, there have been awkward situations everywhere around me, and, making life a little more difficult, we have had an unusual amount of snow and ice for almost the whole of this new year. 

There was a silly example of these 'difficulties' today - I got to work, I had much to do and for some reason, the coffee machine poured water out onto the worktop.  I cleared that up and when trying to empty our bin, managed to empty coffee grounds all over the clean carpet that I had just hoovered.  This might seem small but it is an example of how the last nine days have been!

This verse reminds me of how it must be as a follower of Jesus, how the apostle Paul described how his life had been lived:

'I have fought the good fight; I have finished the race.  I have kept the faith.' (2 Timothy 4 v7)

It IS a fight.  It IS a hard run.  And what was Paul's and my hope in and purpose for fighting the fight, finishing the race and keeping the faith? 'Now there is in store for me the crown of righteousness, which the Lord, the righteous Judge, will award to me on that day - and not only to me but also to all who have longed for His appearing'. (2 Timothy 4v8)

That's enough.  Wishing you God's blessing in this New Year and wishing you purpose and perseverance because of what Jesus Christ has done for us.

I thought when I moved to my present job a year ago that it would be much less manic than the previous one but that has not proved to be the case so here I am, six weeks from my last post and no time to write a full blog, but wanting to wish everyone a very happy and blessed Christmas and to hope that you are all facing the New Year with hope in Jesus, whatever your specific difficulties, needs or state of mind is at present.

I am coming up to the second anniversary of this website and blog on 31st December and my prayers for the coming year are for renewed strength and love for my Saviour and King, a closer walk, so that I might further His Kingdom according to His will for me and give Him all the glory because only He is worthy.

I wish you all every blessing at this time of remembrance of the birth of a Saviour and King and also that God will bless you and your families in the New Year.  Thanks for your continuing support by visiting, reading and commenting.  It is much appreciated.

Happy Christmas!

I was very struck by a few verses in Hebrews 12 recently when I was looking at the theme of discipline and justice and I wanted to share my thoughts with you.  The verses were these:

'Therefore lift your drooping hands and strengthen your weak knees and make straight paths for your feet so that what is lame may not be put out of joint but rather be healed.' (v12-13)

This follows a passage explaining how discipline teaches us 'that we may share His holiness' and it struck me that I am lame with sin but this verse exhorts me to clear the way, stop twisting and turning and falling over boulders.  We must move the boulders to one side, set aside our sin and be obedient and then we will not be tripping and putting our limbs out of joint further but we will be healed!

I don't mean by this passage that we can work our way to heaven.  We cannot and without the blood of Jesus and His precious grace, we cannot be saved because only He has fulfilled the Law fully and perfectly.  But we are called to be obedient and to trust in the Lord and He will make our paths straight (Proverbs 3) and we also have a responsibility to strive, to push forward.

The next few verses say:

'Strive for peace with everyone and for the holiness, without which no one will see the Lord....'

That seemed like a good verse to practice.

This week, we now have our final week of annual leave and I am looking forward to the rest before the busy Christmas period - this year, we are working on the theme 'What does Christmas mean to you?'.  There is a blog where we hope people will start to give their views on that subject, found at www.whatdoesChristmasmeantoyou.com.  We are also inviting people to submit art in any media visually or in words to describe what Christmas means to them and will be holding a Christmas Art Gallery for a week in December.  This isn't the question 'what does the Christ in Christmas mean to you' but what the Christmas period means in your life.  I am very excited about who this might bring in to the Church but know that this is a real chunk of work for six weeks so this week, I hope, will bring some rest and an opportunity to spend some precious time with God.

My thoughts have been drawn back to God's purposes for me in recent weeks, particularly after I heard this quote (from Archbishop William Temple) read out during a sermon on the work of the Holy Spirit.  It absolutely grabbed my heart and has lodged there ever since:

'When we pray 'Come Holy Ghost', we had better know what we are about.... If we invoke Him, we must be ready for the glorious pain of being caught by His power out of our petty orbit into the eternal purposes of the Almighty.'

I SO want to be taken out of my 'petty orbit', my world of small irritations and hurts and silly squabbles and for the Holy Spirit to guide me into the 'eternal purposes of the Almighty' because after all, if I am not walking in God's will, I am walking in mine and that is of no purpose at all.

During the same time, I came across a Christian band called Mercy Me who wrote a song called 'In the Blink of an Eye'.  It has the following lyrics:

'You put me here for a reason, You have a mission for me, You knew my name and you called it, Long before I learned to breathe.

Sometimes I feel disappointed, By the way I spend my time, How can I further your Kingdom, When I'm so wrapped up in mine?'.

I couldn't have explained my heart for God in any simpler way.  More of Him and less of me.

Finally, I am still praising the Lord for the miracle He has done in me, in removing my nicotine addiction.  It was over six weeks ago.  What I am most in awe of is that not only did He remove the addiction from me but through His mighty power and lovingkindness, also removed all the normal withdrawal symptoms such as loss of focus, irritability, and any need to replace the craving with something else, such as food.  So praise Him.

I have been away for a week to stay with the eldest of my three daughters who has moved down to the North Devon/Cornwall border, a beautiful part of the country.  On our way back home, we re-routed because our usual motorway was closed due to an accident.  As we drove past a particular signpost on this different road, memories of a trip to that area over 33 years ago came flooding back. 

Aged 17 years old, my Dutch friend, Nel and I took an overnight coach down to Lynton on the North Devon coast, the start of a weeks walking holiday.  We walked to Barnstaple along the coast walk that day, about 18 miles.  The scenery was wonderful and I can still remember the taste of the simple meal of bread and cheese that we had taken to eat for our lunch, sitting watching the waves break over the rocks and listening to the seagulls crying above us.

However, I don't think we had planned our trip very well and when we arrived in Barnstaple on Saturday afternoon, we decided that perhaps we should try and get to the nearest church we knew in the area for the Sunday services.  The nearest church of our denomination was in Chard, in Somerset.  I remember standing on a road in Barnstaple trying to find a signpost that would give us some idea of direction and getting a bit agitated about how we were going to get there.

Nel and I talked about what we should do in our predicament (which now seems rather small but at the time seemed insurmountable) and one or other of us suggested that we should pray.  So we asked God to find us a way to get to Chard.

We started thumbing a lift and almost immediately a car pulled over with a married couple in it, asking where we wanted to go.  We said 'Chard' and they said, 'Well, we're going to Taunton and that's near Chard so we'll take you'.  (Chard was actually 16 miles further on than Taunton).  What we hadn't realised was that Barnstaple to Chard was not a just few miles down the road but a 65 mile trip.  But God took us to Chard for the Sunday - He provided that kind couple driving that way at that time and when I went past that signpost to Chard last Friday, in October 2009, it was with great joy that I was reminded of the first time that I can remember praying specifically to the Lord God and 'hearing' Him so clearly answering.

And I wanted to share my joy in His providence with you because He has not changed, He is always faithful and when we ask in His name, He will answer and provide for us, His children, because He loves us.

In the last couple of weeks, the Holy Spirit seems to have been teaching me about Sovereign God, about how He puts people in our paths and how He can give or He can take away, He can allow problems or take them away in the blink of an eye.

I said in my last blog that I had been freed from my nicotine addition.  I still have had no craving for nicotine since the Tuesday before last - 10 days ago.  Nor have I used any nicotine replacement patch, chewing gum or had a cigarette in that time nor wanted one.  It is amazing grace - it can only be the Lord's work.  I have struggled for a year, almost to the day and then He has freed me.  What a blessing.

This week I read the blog of a man, Simon, who is working for a year in New York.  He was in our small group for six months and moved on to his placement in the US.  You can read it at http://merrettinnewyork.blogspot.com/ (30th September entry) but it struck me as another example of God's sovereign ways and confirmed to me a very similar experience that I had on 22nd September, the day before the nicotine miracle.  I wrote it out because I have not had such an opportunity before to share Jesus with anyone.  It is quite long but I just pray that God uses this conversation with Lo (name changed) as a link in her chain of life that will lead her ultimately to know Jesus as her Lord and Saviour.

My notes of my conversation follow:

'A young lady, between 18-22 years old, with long dark hair, big gold hoop earrings and a baby came into the office today asking to use the Church internet because the Library was closed. Her name was Lo and her baby’s name was Fo.

As I was setting up the internet for her to use, she asked me, ‘Is Jesus the Son of God?’. I answered (I hope I didn’t look too surprised) ‘yes, what made you ask that?’. She said she had recently been watching Mel Gibson’s Passion of The Christ. I said, ‘that’s pretty heavy going’. She said that she loved the film but didn’t understand it. She then asked ‘Why did Jesus die?’.

My last post, written six days ago, mentioned at the end that I had had a surprising experience in that I had lost all cravings for nicotine.  I mentioned that on Tuesday last I had gone to remove my nicotine patch before going to bed and found that I had not had a patch on all day. 

I believed that having had no craving at all, all day, could only have been God's work because previously, when I had forgotten my nicotine patch, by 10am of the same morning I had had to go home to get a patch or sometimes, go and buy cigarettes to get a fast enough 'hit' of nicotine.

I want to tell you that, today, seven days have passed without a single craving for any form of nicotine, patch or cigarette.  I am beginning to believe that God has worked a miracle. 

I know there is no way that I could have stopped the craving myself.  I had resigned myself to constantly having to wear nicotine patches, rather like a heroin addict on methodone, and was seriously thinking about trying the tablets that change a chemical balance in the brain to take the craving away artificially. 

I really want to stop smoking and want to stop for good.  I simply do not have the willpower and self control.  God knows me and knows that I had reached the end of trying, struggling, making one more effort only to fail again and again.

In His grace, He has stepped in, I believe.  He has given strength and peace where there was none before, He is Victor in my battle with nicotine.  The glory is all His.

2 Corinthians 12v9 - 'But He said to me, "My grace is sufficient for you, for My power is made perfect in weakness." Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ's power may rest on me.'

And finally, for this blog, Philippians 4 v 13-14:

'I can do everything through Him who gives me strength.  Yet it was good of you to share in my troubles.'  Thank you so much for all your prayers.  They truly seem to have been answered fully.

How are you all, I wonder? Its been a very busy time for me, one way or another with work and weddings, holidays and Hubby's hearing issues but this last week it has been nice to get back into a little routine.  And we've had our 24-7 Prayer Week at the church which is so encouraging when you are able to step out of the hustle and bustle of the world just for an hour and be quiet. 

It has been a joy to me to think about the verse in Matthew 7 v's 13-14 where Jesus says 'Enter through the narrow gate.  For wide is the gate and broad is the road that leads to destruction and many enter through it.  But small is the gate and narrow the road that leads to life and only a few find it.'

It might seem a strange thing to be joyful about as it might seem to point to the hardest way possible but as I was praying this week, I saw that whilst the wide road looked full of exciting things at first glance, it was actually dirty and the goods were worthless and meaningless, life was a hard slog, broken and unfulfilling.  When I looked at the narrow road, I saw clean garments, 'royal robes I don't deserve' as the hymn says (King of Kings, Majesty by Jarrod Cooper ) and good things, love, meaning and fulfilment through Jesus who is the Gate to the narrow way.

John 10 v 7 and v 9 confirmed that to me.  'Jesus said again, 'I tell you the truth, I am the gate for the sheep.... I am the gate; whoever enters through me will be saved.'

This might seem a bit random but it was great for me to hear from the Lord again after a time of dryness.  It has also coincided with a sermon series on the work and activity of the Holy Spirit in His people and an interesting thing has happened in the past two days regarding my nicotine patches.  I have relied on them now for a year to stop me smoking cigarettes but I seemed to be as addicted to the patches as I was to cigarettes. 

Yesterday, I forgot to put a patch on.  Normally when this happens I have to rush home to get one, realising very quickly that I have forgotten it.  But it was different yesterday.  I didn't notice at all until I went to bed, went to take my patch off and realised I hadn't had one on.  Today I have not put one on and I have not had any longing for patch or nicotine.  I prayed that God would take this addiction away from me because I was totally unable to stop completely myself.  I know it is only two days so far and I will be completely honest if I have to fall back onto relying on the patches but for now, I am praising the Lord for these two free days.  It has been a blessing.

I hope you are all well and that the Lord is keeping you.  He alone is worthy.

I am back from my holiday, feeling as if I need a rest!  But it was lovely to get away with Hubby and spend some time together.

I have been thinking this evening about how easy it is to drift away or maybe not to seek the presence of the Holy Spirit, how we think that we are too bad to be saved, that we keep walking away from Jesus rather than looking to Him and so therefore we cannot be one of His children.

Don't allow yourself to be pulled into this pit of darkness.  We all sin, even the apostle Paul sinned after he had that wonderful experience of meeting with Jesus on the road to Damascus and his whole life was turned from walking away from God to facing Him.  But Paul still needed to be sanctified, to be made more like Jesus and so do we, however big or small our conversion experience.  It is sometimes painful but we are not alone or the first who has felt lost again and it is at the times we lose the presence of God in our lives that we call on Him the most.  It is at those times when we learn we can do nothing without the Holy Spirit's help, that it is all about God's glory, not about what we have done.  So when He withdraws for a season, and we are unable to follow Him, turn to Him and call on His name because it is all about the free grace and sacrifice of the Lord Jesus Christ, not about anything we have done or not done.

'For I know that nothing good dwells in me; that is, in my flesh.  For I have the desire to do what is right but not the ability to carry it out', Paul writes in Romans 7:18-19.

Take heart from this, not that we should 'sin that grace may abound' as Paul discusses in Romans 6 but that a way has been made as in the first verse of Romans 8: There is therefore now NO condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus. 

Keep turning back to Jesus.  He will never tire of hearing your voice.  He has bought you with His blood and you are precious to Him.

Life is very busy at the moment - the idea that August might be a time for getting odd jobs done as its quieter seems to be a myth!

I have started working through a DVD based book called 'Experiencing Leadershift' by Don Cousins and Bruce Bugbee which has been helping me with how I view my work and how I may be able to equip those around me to serve the Lord in the church and community.  Because we rely so much on volunteers, people who often lead very busy work lives already, it is really important that I am able to encourage them to use their God given gifts in the right service for the Lord.  I have only done Sessions 1 and 2, it is taking me a lot longer than I expected but I am learning a lot about myself and how I can serve the Lord where He has placed me.  This 'study' is taking up the time when I would normally be writing or preparing my blog. 

I was also very struck when reading this week the story of the wind being so strong that the disciples were making no headway and Jesus walking on water in Mark 6.  I noticed in v48 something I had not noticed before - the words 'He meant to pass by them but..'.  The disciples thought it was a ghost and were very scared so they cried out for help.  Jesus identified himself and when He got in the boat, the wind calmed.  But it was only when the disciples cried out for help that He came to them, 'He meant to pass by them'.  This made me think about how I must stop trying to 'row against the wind', striving to manage by myself.  If we cry out, Jesus comes to us.  I wondered if we didn't cry out, would we be left striving ourselves until we do?  This passage seems to imply that.

We will be going away for a week's break in Wiltshire in the next fortnight which we are very much looking forward to so I may not be posting anything for another three weeks or so.  However, you are all very much in my prayers and I hope those of you who are going through struggles and weaknesses at this time are able to call out to Jesus and tell Him your fears and concerns, and that you will find peace and comfort in knowing that you are His child and that He is your Father.  He never changes - the same yesterday, today and forever.  Our Lord's promises stand for ever, just as the rainbow signifies.   

Following my weekend described in my last blog, I woke on Monday feeling a little brighter and on Tuesday was a Day of Prayer and Fasting at our church specifically for a church member who has been diagnosed with prostate cancer with secondaries in his spine but also for others suffering at the moment with unemployment and other difficult issues.  I was able to spend some time early on Tuesday morning bringing those people to the Lord and also I prayed for strength for myself as I seem to buckle under every little pressure at the moment.

On Wednesday I had lunch with my friend from my previous job.  I said how I had been feeling to her and how it was affecting the way I did my work, because I just seemed unable to give any valuable insight or contribution and so felt my self esteem and confidence dwindling rapidly.

As we drew up outside the church, she turned to me and said 'do you think you haven't forgiven the previous bosses?  Has your review with them 18 months ago affected your belief in your abilities?'  (I mentioned the review in my 'Is it just me?' entry written on 18th March 08.)  This loving enquiry seemed to reach into the very depths of my heart and made me cry.  Something resonated deep within me and I knew that I had to take this to the Lord to ask His help and with Him, to forgive those men because I knew that I had nurtured my hurt and it was now causing deeper issues in loss of self confidence and seeming loss of vision and ability both at work and at home.  It had seeped into the whole of my life.  I also seemed to have acquired a critical spirit which I had become very aware of lately in my conversations and felt this might be another result of feeding my hurt.

My friend pointed me to a sermon by Rob Bell called 'It Stops Here' (available as a free download if you click the link), defining what forgiveness is and also, what it is not, which I listened to last night.

This morning I went early to work and sat myself down in the Prayer Room after getting down the cross and the crown of thorns and sitting them on the seat opposite me.

I felt I had to take each person, forgive them and lay them, using a piece of paper with their name on, at the foot of the cross.  I told God I forgave them, and prayed for each one and, as I closed that prayer, I laid each name at the foot of the cross to confirm what I had done.  When I had laid the second name down, I was overwhelmed with sorrow because I realised there was someone much closer to me in my life that I had not forgiven. I had to write his name, bring him before the Lord and fix his piece of paper on a nail in the cross because I felt sure that the Lord had died for him. 

There were two others after this that the Lord brought to my mind that I must forgive.  I prayed for peace and strength to continue in the Lord's name, in His work and that God would completely cleanse my 'vessel' so that it was not filled with my dirty oil and critical spirit but with the Holy Spirit.

I went into work after this, to my desk, and had such an encouraging day, with a clear mind and quiet spirit.  I know I must trust in the Lord alone, cast my burdens on Him and He will sustain me (Psalm 55).  Comfort comes from the Lord and the only real rest available is in Him and through Him and by Him (2 Corinthians 1).

I felt the Lord had answered my prayer from Tuesday for strength by showing me quite clearly through my friend's enquiry exactly what I needed to do to regain strength and walk closer to Him.  Praise God!  He is Love.

Its been a strange few weeks. 

Since I last wrote down my thoughts, we have had some real issues going on in our lives.  Hubby's job has been under threat and he has not known until last week whether he might be made redundant - he works for a large heathcare insurance company and consequently the economic downturn has started to affect them.  He heard at the end of the first week of July that they would be taking away some small benefits and that his bonus would be cut in half but that, at present, jobs would be safe.

Then at the end of the second week of July, my husband had a call from Australia where his Mum is staying for a holiday with his brother, saying that she had been in a big accident on a quad bike and that she had been taken from a minor hospital to a major hospital because her injuries could not be dealt with at the first hospital.  Hubby didn't know whether he would have to fly out at a moment's notice or what the situation was, whether there was any damage to his Mum's spine - we only knew that she had a badly broken wrist and possible cracked ribs.  Finally we heard that she had amazingly only suffered a compound fracture of her wrist which had been operated on immediately and plate and wire inserted - she had no other injuries at all and she was out of hospital by the Wednesday following the Sunday of the accident.

And I have been dull of spirit.  I have been plagued with thoughts that people don't like me.  This has been very odd for me because I have not been particularly worried if people didn't like me before.  I have always thought, 'well, never mind, I can't get on with everyone' and just left it alone.  But I have been in a troubled state of mind, where little 'spores' of comments have grown into large 'mushrooms' of depression and concern that I am worthless in other people's eyes.  And yet I know that it doesn't matter but the 'mushroom' seems to sprout out of nowhere.

Yesterday I finally got to church in the evening, not having managed to get myself out of bed in the morning in time for the service but I didn't want to speak to anyone.  I couldn't sing as worship started, I certainly didn't feel able to sing that I loved the Lord or anything to do with 'feelings'.  But then the worship leader started singing 'Light of the world' and I knew once again that it was nothing to do with my feelings, however low I might be but that God is still the same, faithful, worthy of praise and merciful.  Although I couldn't sing, I raised my hand and stood up because I could not stay sitting to 'here I am to worship, here I am to bow down, here I am to say that you're my God, you're altogether lovely, altogether worthy, altogether wonderful to me'. (Chris Tomlin).

I realised that although I felt like the dull picture of the dahlia above, a black and white version of myself, in God's eyes I was still His bright, colourful flower just as He created me and saved me through Jesus.

God is good and true, just and holy in all things and forever.

I normally check my blog every day and look eagerly forward to seeing which 'friends' have visited and who have commented.  But I have been so busy one way or another, I haven't checked in for nearly a week!

Sometimes life just goes by in a whirl, so fast it feels as if I've left something important behind.  It's like running late for an important meeting and on arrival, I find I've left all my necessary papers behind.  I either have to go back to pick the papers up and be flustered and late or just try to use what I remember from the papers but forget the most important point.

When life overtakes me and I don't find time for prayer and reading God's word, then I feel like I've left something important behind and I'm missing the most essential thing as I go through the 'meetings' of work and home life. 

By Monday midday this week, I had to come home and spend my lunch hour in prayer because the whole of my life and work needed to be brought before Almighty God so that it was His hand who guided and pointed me in the right direction, not me rushing around here there and everywhere where I thought was best, and consequently heading off down blind alleys and having to turn back.  After all, it is He who has provided everything I have but how quickly I forget who gave and for whom I am to use my life, my gifts and skills.

What a blessing it is for people who trust in the Lord God because He alone is faithful and true!  We have a Friend who is closer than a brother, yet just as is often the case with family members, we take Him for granted yet when we've rushed off without Him, He is still faithful and waits for our return with open arms.  Jesus knows our weaknesses, and yet He loves us still. 

My Lord, what love is this that pays so dearly? That I, the guilty one, may go free?    Amazing love, O, what sacrifice! The Son of God given for me.  My debt He paid and my death He dies, that I might live! (Graham Kendrick 1989 )

We have been going through the Sermon on the Mount at church and in Matthew 5, there is the salt and light part, we being salt and light to the world for God's glory.  It was particularly the hiding the light bit that spoke to me.  Where does the light come from?  It comes from God, because the only light that dispels our darkness is that which comes from Him.  So how do we hide the light?  and why?

It occurred to me that I hide my light by going my own way, by not walking in God's will for me.  As soon as I 'walk in darkness' again, I am effectively covering God's light in me.  So I realised that hiding my light under a bushel wasn't just about not telling people about Jesus as the traditional meaning suggests but also not hiding God's light behind my behaviour or by being a bad example because that just sends out mixed messages and there appears to be no reality to my faith in the eyes of those around me.

And so it is with salt that has lost it's saltiness - what use is it?  If we dilute the 'salt' in us with walking contrary to the Way and following Jesus, there is no use in it.

'Let your light so shine before men that they may see your good works and give glory to your Father in heaven' (Matthew 5v16)

'Men' will see your good works but they will know they are not through you, that it is not you who are worthy of glory, but they will know it is your Father in heaven who is worthy of the glory alone.

'Arise, shine, for your light has come and the glory of the Lord rises upon you' (Isaiah 60v1)

... and the birds of the air have nests but the Son of Man has nowhere to lay His head' (Matthew 8v18-22).

My Bible heading for this passage of scripture is entitled 'The Cost of Following Jesus'.  I have been thinking about the 'foxes and birds' verses since Sunday when Sally, a friend of mine, prayed with me after the church service and she mentioned this verse in her prayer for me. 

It really struck a chord with me - I have mentioned in previous blogs that I have some opposition on a fairly regular basis because of my faith and recently, and particularly after the Church Weekend Away, the opposition has worsened.  Having this dropped into my heart that Jesus had nowhere to lay His head, it was a comfort that I was following Jesus and that I should not expect to feel comfortable anywhere other than with Him and with the family of God.  It made sense of how I felt.

I hope if you are suffering or have suffered from some persecution because of your faith, however small the persecution might seem, that this might be something of a comfort for you too.

I wanted to add a comment made by one of our church members after our Church Weekend Away which sort of sums it all up in respect of being 'in God's community' - he said:

'it (the love and fellowship of God's people being together) reminded us that we are simply meant to live in community - its almost like we'd rather live communally all the time and have solitude in our house when we need to, rather than vice versa!'.

'Thy Kingdom come, Thy will be done'.

Well, another fortnight has gone past and I have seen my husband, Paul, through his 40th birthday party last weekend - it went well with 35 for dinner in the afternoon and around 50 for the evening do which included a buffet. 

We also both went, with my Mum and Dad, to my son in law, Tim's baptism which was another time of rejoicing.  This morning has also seen another baptism, this time at my church of a special lady, Ginny who the Lord has recently brought to himself and who's life He has transformed. 

And after all this celebration, you might think that I was moving forward, full of joy and courage but in fact, I am tired and feeling sorry that in all my busy-ness I have let things slide.  I was reminded earlier this week of some verses in Proverbs 24v30-34 that the Lord had spoken to me previously when in a similar state of mind. 

'I passed by the field of a sluggard, by the vineyard of a man lacking sense, and behold, it was all overgrown with thorns; the ground was covered with nettles and its stone wall was broken down.  Then I saw and considered it; I looked and received instruction.  A little sleep, a little slumber, a little folding of the hands to rest, and poverty will come upon you like a robber and want like an armed man'.

The Lord gave me a 'vineyard' (Hosea 2v15), people to pray and care for, my website to share His word, my speaking opportunities at the Day Centre and elsewhere and also a job where I can work literally in the Church vineyard for His glory and the furtherance of His Kingdom.  I know that my vineyard is full of weeds and I need to start 'digging' and 'pruning'.

Its the same in all areas of our lives - if we let the housework or the garden go, even for a week, how quickly the washing piles up, the ironing, the dust builds, the grass grows and the weeds shoot up and the mess looks unsortable!  So its time for a spring clean!

... and a few painful moments as well.

It has been a while since my last blog and it's just been so hectic as well as so many things going on in my spiritual walk. 

I had a wonderful and very thoughtful time at the Church Weekend Away during the weekend before last.  There were several highlights.  The first was after the first session on the Friday evening when I was beginning to realise that I would not be able to sit and concentrate in the sessions because I kept getting called out to sort out various problems or to welcome new arrivals.  I was getting grumpy but it suddenly dropped in my mind that I was there to serve, to enable everyone else to have a great time with the Lord, not for me.  It was a good lesson and it helped me through the rest of the weekend.

But there were good things for me too.  It was time to 'arise and shine' for the Lord.  If you go back through a few blogs, you will find the one about 'arise and walk' - well now it was time to 'shine' for the Lord.

An interesting moment was when I went up for prayer from the speaker, Eric Delve of St Luke's, Maidstone.  He asked God to bless me and then said that he was 'seeing' me as an anvil.  When he said that, I only heard two more words of what he said because I started trying to think about what he meant.  One was 'moulding' and the other was 'hammering'.  He finished by saying there was so much more to come.  I found this challenging and frightening in equal quantities.  I am praying that the Lord will make this clear and that I will be obedient.

I have been tested very much over the last week with various trials, not least some serious antagonism to my church going but it has passed.  I can hold on with God's strength, not my own.

But on the good side, my son in law Tim is being baptised on Thursday at the church he attends in Lamberhurst.  I hope that I will be able to go and that my husband will go with me to share in this time of rejoicing as the Shepherd brings another lamb into the fold.

I hope you are all well.  Finally, I am preparing for my husband's 40th birthday do on Saturday, a family dinner followed by a disco which is what he has asked for.  I need a lot of strength for all the prep, the cooking and the socialising.  And I hope that the Lord will be in it all and use the situation ultimately for His glory alone.

As I have mentioned before, I have been 'distant' from my Lord recently, through my own fault.  And when we are weak, we are tempted and fall more easily.  Yesterday I fell.  Again.  I knew what I was doing was wrong yet I still went ahead and did it. 

This morning I felt so poor, so low, so black but quite militant and hard.  What was the point of asking for forgiveness again?  I felt that I couldn't keep going back for forgiveness especially when I profess to know the Lord and His wonderful salvation yet I still can't stand against heavy temptation.

But as I was talking over this situation with a work colleague, the words 'seventy times seven' dropped into my mind.  I knew what the Lord was saying to me and was broken in thankfulness.  My Lord was reminding me that when Peter asked him how many times he must forgive his debtor, Jesus replied 'not seven times but seventy times seven'.  I knew that was how many times Jesus was willing to go on forgiving me... the perfect number of times... eternally.

'He has lifted me out of deep waters' - 2 Samuel 22

We have been visiting my Mum and Dad again this weekend, as the Bank Holiday gave us an extra day to spend with them.  We also managed to get out for a couple of nice walks and take in the beautiful spring flowers and the emergence of the insect life and some beautiful birds.  God speaks to us if we let Him through almost every step we take, as we look around our beautiful world, so amazing in the detail.

But I also thank God that He is so faithful.  As mentioned in my last post, I had been missing my reading and prayer, my 'conversations' with my Lord.  I had to give my talk to the over 60's Day Centre last week and had nothing to give, right up to 10pm the night before. 

But for some reason, (God's reason), I started thinking about inheritance and how hard people will fight for a bit of money or an old artefact.  I was able to expand this idea and came to the conclusion for the end of the talk that there was only one inheritance worth fighting for and that was the one that comes through the death and resurrection of the Lord Jesus Christ who died that we might live and have eternal life.  What better inheritance could there be than this?

The apostle Peter puts it so much better than me in his letter:

‘Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ! In His great mercy He has given us new birth into a living hope through the resurrection of Jesus Christ from the dead, and into an inheritance that can never perish, spoil or fade— kept in heaven for you, who through faith are shielded by God's power until the coming of the salvation that is ready to be revealed in the last time.’ 1 Peter 1 vs 3-5 (ESV)

Its been a time since I put the last post up - its seems to be a busy time at the moment.  My Dad has been unwell and is just at the moment in hospital but improving slowly so this weekend we have spent with Mum in the Midlands. 

Work has been busy and I have been tired!  I will upload something soon, but I have missed my Lord just recently through my own fault, not being so focused on reading and praying.  How quickly I revert to my 'old man' when I don't keep close. I am so thankful for my small group and the support they give.  How wonderful when people do not judge but just pray and support.  A real sign of the kingdom of God on earth.

I hope all of you are well and that the Lord is with you.

I am late with my Easter wishes but as my Mum quite rightly said on the phone a couple of days ago, thankfully, we can celebrate the resurrection of Jesus and victory over sin and death all year.

I got to the evening service, a baptism, last night and it was so joyful to hear those two people talk of what Jesus had done in their lives and how He had redeemed them from their respective 'worlds'. 

I enjoyed the sermon too, specifically when the pastor was talking about thirst and how Jesus said to the Samarian woman at the well (John 4 v's 7-26) 'If you knew who it is that is saying to you 'Give me a drink', you would have asked Him and He would have given you living water.'  Jesus goes on in v14 to say 'whoever drinks of the water that I give Him will never be thirsty again.  The water that I will give him will become in him a spring of water welling up to eternal life.'

I was very struck with the words 'if you would have asked Him'.  Do I ask?  But first, do I recognise who my Saviour is?  And then do I ask?  If I am thirsty for the things of this world, do I try to quench my thirst from the waters of the worldly well?  or do I ask Him?  I'm afraid it is rather too often from the waters of the worldly well which are so transient and then I wonder why I am cold and empty again.

So ask Him.  He quenches our thirst for ever.  And the blessings we receive fill us and can never be taken away.  Because Jesus is the Resurrection and the Life - He has overcome the world for us. 

I couldn't get to a service this morning but 'His hands and His feet' have been on my mind, thinking about Thomas having to see the nail marks and about us, as Christians, now being His hands and feet.

I searched for the hymn that I knew the phrase came from and found this recording sung by Kathryn Scott of 'When I Survey The Wondrous Cross' and felt it said everything about today.

Do listen to it if you can.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=D-mKnY2HMXg

When I survey the wondrous cross
On which the Prince of glory died,
My richest gain I count but loss,
And pour contempt on all my pride.

Forbid it, Lord, that I should boast,
Save in the death of Christ my God!
All the vain things that charm me most,
I sacrifice them to His blood.

See from His head, His hands, His feet,
Sorrow and love flow mingled down!
Did e’er such love and sorrow meet,
Or thorns compose so rich a crown?

Were the whole realm of nature mine,
That were a present far too small;
Love so amazing, so divine,
Demands my soul, my life, my all.

I was at my small group yesterday and had a special time of learning and worship.  We are going through Acts and, as chapter 3 the last part of v6 was read, I felt so thankful, realising how crippled I had been from birth by sin and how, through the resurrection power in the name of Jesus, God had said to me 'rise and walk', making me whole so that I can 'walk' and witness for Him and His glory.  I saw the power of the risen Christ in my life and wondered at the majesty and graciousness of a Holy God.

Last night I had to pour out my heart before the Lord God.  This morning I was and still am in awe and wonder at such undeserved grace.

God's power to make us whole through the death and resurrection of Jesus is not just for me, it is for you too.  Read God's Word below and marvel and worship Him for what He has done for you and me and, as my thoughts were prompted, think about the witness that this healed man was to others around him.

'...a man lame from birth was being carried, whom they laid daily at the gate of the temple that is called the Beautiful Gate to ask alms of those entering the temple. ³Seeing Peter and John about to go into the temple, he asked to receive alms. ⁴And Peter directed his gaze at him, as did John, and said, "Look at us." ⁵And he fixed his attention on them, expecting to receive something from them. ⁶But Peter said, "I have no silver and gold, but what I do have I give to you. In the name of Jesus Christ of Nazareth, rise up and walk!" ⁷And he took him by the right hand and raised him up, and immediately his feet and ankles were made strong. ⁸And leaping up he stood and began to walk, and entered the temple with them, walking and leaping and praising God. ⁹And all the people saw him walking and praising God, ¹⁰and recognized him as the one who sat at the Beautiful Gate of the temple, asking for alms. And they were filled with wonder and amazement at what had happened to him.

(Acts 3v2-10, The Bible, ESV copied from http://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=Acts%203;&version=47;)

I am 51 years old today.  It is amazing how fast the time goes by.  It was a normal working day but everyone came in to my office and sang Happy Birthday to me with a cake and candles.

I also had my final check up at the hospital where they discharged me.  I have felt much stronger this week and there was further good news when I heard from the doctors that an additional test I had on Monday was now clear following a slightly worrying sample last week where blood had been present.  So I have a clean bill of health.  Then I saw my daughter and my grandchildren for an hour for lunch.

Tonight we have been out on a house group social night for an Indian meal which happened to coincide with my birthday.  We had a lovely time catching up and enjoying each others company, safe with each other as members of one family.

I have not, however, been feeling so strong in my mind and this morning a friend sent me an email with some verses in 2 Samuel 22 to encourage me.  I opened the Bible and read through the chapter and verses 35 and 36 really spoke to me because ...

'He trains my hands for battle; my arms can bend a bow of bronze.
You give me your shield of victory; you stoop down to make me great.
You broaden the paths beneath me so that my ankles do not turn over.'

It isn't me - I seem to need reminding constantly that it is He who trains my hands for battle and it is He who gives me His shield of victory.  I hope this encourages you.  God is preparing the way, broadening the paths so that we are victorious and able to follow Him.

Since my op and my last blog, I have been working and finding that although I can work well enough, I just sit in the evenings and rest.  Which means I feel as if I'm not really achieving anything!  This weekend I ventured out, driving for the first time and although it was fine, I still was very tired.  But it was a good day out and beautiful weather.

So what else has been happening?  I've given my latest talk to the Day Centre people about how life changes and that God never changes, thankfully, which gives us an Anchor to hold on to.  I felt privileged that one of the ladies came up to me afterwards and said that the talk had met her need at this time of huge change for her - something she had been doing for 9 years had come to an abrupt end and she hadn't known what to make of it.  The Lord had answered her prayer through the talk I gave.  Its so encouraging to hear that God is working.

We are now coming up to our fourth meeting of the new small group that we call 'Petersfield' because of where it is held.  We have looked at Acts chs 1 and 2 and learnt much about the early church, specifically that prayer is a key factor, that the Holy Spirit teaches us and points to a God who does mighty works and that we have a real aid at the end of chapter 2 in how to conduct ourselves as Christians.

On Thursday, this week, we are having a 'Curry Night'.  This will be a social night, at the local Indian, for all the members of the small group, now grown to 15, and for their partners, husbands or friends.  There will be no 'God spot', simply a time of getting to know each other and building relationships.

Finally, I have been given the opportunity to give a ten minute talk at a couple of Wednesday morning services held by Kenward Trust (http://www.kenwardtrust.org.uk/index.htm) at one of their residential places in Yalding, a nearby village.  What a privilege!  I know a little of struggling with addiction as I have outlined before in previous blogs and it just seemed a fitting place for me to be able to share the Lord's word.  I am praying that this will be a very special time and that the Holy Spirit will bless these talks to the listeners, whoever they might be.  The first one is in July.

I wonder how you all are?  The 'hits', the amount of people who look at 'graceinaction' has nearly doubled in the last year but it would be great to hear from you either by commenting or emailing.  But again, I am thankful that people are reading this and just hope it is of benefit in pointing them to Jesus because He is the Author and Finisher of our faith.

Since I last wrote, I have had some new starts and an 'au revoir'. 

Last Saturday was my first proper 'outing'.  The weather was cold and cloudy but we got out for a lovely walk in Seven Sisters Country Park near Eastbourne and were rewarded with some nice photos and with seeing a little egret, a couple of redshanks and some beautiful lambs.  It was good to get out and be able to walk a reasonable way even though I was very tired when we got home. I am so thankful to the Lord that my recovery is continuing well.

I have been part of two different church small groups  in the past four or five years, the first one I returned to after the leaders of the second one left to go to pastures new in the West Country.  In both groups, I have grown spiritually through the leaders sharing their faith in God and their love with me, through interesting, practical, biblical teaching and being able to ask questions honestly, sometimes silly or difficult ones, without fear.  God has used those groups to really bless me and grow my faith in Him.  I have been regularly prayed for and it is like leaving a family as I now move on to new pastures myself.  But tonight I said 'au revoir' to my house group that has been such a loving part of my life and praised our Father with them for all of our growth and the many answers to prayer that we have seen as a small group family over the years.

I have left the comfort of Philip and Claire's small group to share in leading a new 'family' group alongside a couple, Dan and Emily, and using their home as the small group base every Thursday evening.  We have had two meetings so far, the first a couple of weeks ago, an opportunity to welcome our new 'family' and share supper, sharing the Word of God and witnessing during our dessert and coffee.  We are going through Acts, looking at the first churches and how we can learn practically and spiritually from those accounts. 

Our second meeting was last week when, after we had thought and prayed about being 'complete in Christ', we discussed the first recorded 'church meeting' in Acts 1 and how Justus might have felt when he was not chosen as the replacement twelfth disciple.  But we also went on to note how Matthias, the one chosen to replace Judas Iscariot, appears not to be mentioned again in the New Testament yet Justus is called a 'leader of men' later in Acts and described as 'a comfort' to Paul in Colossians.  God has prepared His way for us and will lead us into His will.  Some doors will shut but the right doors will open.

I can't wait for tomorrow and our third small group meeting - it's Acts 2 and this time, the first recorded 'sermon'.  What's more is that Denise, the lady I mentioned in my last post may be coming to share in our family small group.  Pray for us and praise God for His wondrous works to the children of men.

Praise God with me in my news this week.

The Lord has taught me over the last few years that wherever we, as Christians, are with other people, at work, at play, at home or away, we take Him with us into any community and that He should be shining outfrom us.  We are to be salt or leaven wherever we are for His glory and for the furtherance of His Kingdom.

When I went into hospital, I prayed that I would not just be a 'bod in a bed' but be of use in the 'community' in that ward.  When I got in to hospital, the people there were nearly all from my village and I knew one of the ladies, Denise, from twenty years ago.  I prayed for each person that God would impact their lives, and open their hearts and that He would be with them in their operations.  I noticed when the lady Chaplain came round and stopped at each bedside before their operations, that noone refused prayer.  I spent some time chatting with the three ladies around me but only mentioned in passing what my work was and that I attended the same church where I worked. 

Imagine my joy when walking into church last night to attend a Whole Church Worship Night and there was Denise sitting in one of the seats!  I sat and talked to her before the worship started.  She said she had attended the Sunday morning service and the minister had approached her after the service and said 'You have no need to fear, let God in'.  Denise said to me, 'How could that minister know that I am afraid to let God in?'.  I was able to say 'God spoke to you through her.'  Denise replied, 'I want to hear God's voice myself.  I keep listening for Him'.  I said, 'But you already have or you wouldn't have chosen to come to church.  You just haven't heard an audible voice.  But you have answered Him by coming.'  'Oh yes', she said, 'I see'. 

What an answer to prayer!  Now much prayer is needed to support her and bring her into God's Kingdom.  What a privilege to see the beginning of God's work in someone who knew nothing of Him and had no need of Him previously in her life.  How the angels in heaven will be rejoicing (Luke 15).

Well, here I am back at work and slowly recovering although I am not allowed to drive or lift yet - another four weeks to go...

When I was at home for the week, an elderly friend, Joy, came to visit me and as she was leaving, I was telling her how I had forgotten that I shouldn't be lifting and how, without thinking, I had lifted a pan full of potatoes and water.  I had quickly remembered that  I shouldn't be lifting because it was very painful and I learned the hard way!

Joy said to me, 'you know it behoves you to use your body wisely as a God given resource and you must remember that you need to recover from the operation to fully do so.'

It was like a light coming on.  I should have known that not only does God give me work, a salary, food and drink, His Word and His love and salvation but He has also given me a body with which to glorify Him.  It seems so obvious now.

Paul says in Corinthians:

'Or do you not know that your body is a temple of the Holy Spirit within you, whom you have from God? You are not your own, for you were bought with a price. So glorify God in your body.'

I have noticed recently several stories in the news about the suspension of people from their jobs who have shared their faith to colleagues or offered to pray for someone within the course of their work.  The latest one is detailed in this link to an article in the Times newspaper on 7th February this year:

Thank you all for your prayers.  I am on the mend now, still a little sore and slow but seeing the end of the tunnel now and feeling much stronger.  I am looking forward to a 'new start', to being able to get back to work and to being more proactive for the Lord as He gives me opportunity.  I have needed this operation since November 08 so it is nice to feel fully mended again and without the previous discomfort.

I have been trying to use the enforced rest, when I can concentrate, to read and listen to sermons and talks and to pray and hear what God has to say to me.  Yesterday, I heard a sermon on Premier Radio that infused me with enthusiasm, about taking risks for God, that I wanted to rush out and be God's 'hands and feet' but at the moment, can only 'work' at a slow crawl pace! 

I have a Day Centre talk to prepare for next Tuesday and I also have some ordinary work to do when I feel up to it that I brought home with me, some meeting minutes and so on that I can do quietly.

I just thank God for everyone's help and prayers and that He will continue my recovery and use my hands and feet again for His service.

Dear Friends

I am going to have a operation this week and will be in hospital from Wednesday morning at 8am, probably being allowed out on Friday or Saturday.  I hope to be able to use my computer by Sunday but it may be later next week. 

In the meantime, I would be grateful for your prayers for the skill of the surgeon and for my speedy recovery and return to health.  I hope to spend the recovery time usefully, reading and learning and praying.  Please pray that I will be recovered enough to be able to return to work on 23rd February although I know I will not be allowed to drive for four weeks.

Very happily, I now have all my family back in the area.  My eldest daughter, Sarah, had been travelling for three months and came home a couple of weeks ago from Canada.  My youngest daughter, Julia and her fiance, Dan, have been travelling for a year and were not due home for another three weeks, not until after my operation.  We had the biggest surprise of our lives last Saturday when Sarah arrived at the door, followed by Julia and Dan.  It was lovely to spend some time with them, catching up on some of their adventures.  What joy!  I felt complete with everyone safely home.  We spent Sunday afternoon with Sarah.

Tomorrow I am off to have lunch with my 'middle' daughter, Fran, and my grandchildren so that will be lovely too.

I shall be thinking about you all and thank you for sharing with me, particularly just lately.  It has been a real encouragement.  Wishing you every blessing,

Love Jennifer

For those following the last two blog entries and related comments, Val referred to the praise song, Big House by Audio Adrenaline.  I looked up the lyrics and found confirmation in how they echo my 'picture' of the Beautiful House.  I have copied them into this blog for ease:

'I don't know where you lay your head or where you call your home
I don't know where you eat your meals or where you talk on the phone
I don't know if you got a cook a butler or a maid
I don't know if you got a yard with a hammock in the shade

I don't know if you got some shelter say a place to hide
I don't know if you live with friends in whom you can confide
I don't know if you got a family say a mom or dad
I don't know if you feel love at all but I expect you wish you had

Come and go with me to my Fathers house
Come and go with me to my Fathers house

It's a big big house with lots and lots of room
A big big table with lots and lots of food
A big big yard where we can play football
A big big house, its my Fathers house

All I know is a big ole house with rooms for everyone
All I know is lots a land where we can play and run
All I know is you need love and I've got a family
All I know is you're all alone so why not come with me?'

(copied from http://www.lyricsdomain.com/1/audio_adrenaline/big_house.html).

Thanks, Val.

There is a verse in the Bible that describes how we all are before God.  It says this. 

‘The wages of sin is death but the free gift of God is eternal life through Jesus Christ’ (Romans 6v23).

In my last blog, the beautiful house in the story represents God the Father.  We cannot enter into God’s house through anything we can offer and do because we are sinners and therefore we cannot stand before a holy God.  That is why, at first, the door of the house is shut. 

But if we seek to find out how we can enter into God’s house, if we knock at the Door which represents Jesus Christ then, the Bible says in Matthew 7v7-8:

‘Ask and it will be given to you; seek, and you will find; knock, and it will be opened to you. For everyone who asks receives, the one who seeks finds, and to the one who knocks it will be opened.’

Jesus lived, as a human being, a perfect life and died for us to pay the debt for our sin.  Our holy God welcomes us through the Door of Jesus into His beautiful house because we are covered by the sinless perfection of Jesus.

When we enter our Father’s wonderful house, we are given instruction through the Holy Spirit dwelling in us, the 'Host' in the story.  He teaches us, guides us, leads us and helps us.

We are welcomed and loved as part of God’s family.  Our ‘brothers and sisters’ live in the other rooms in God our Fathers house, so enabled because His Son lived a perfect life and died for sinners, paying the price that God required.

So the story of the beautiful house is not far fetched.  The rooms are available to you and me, free of charge. 

In John 14v’s1-3, Jesus Christ said:

"Let not your hearts be troubled. Believe in God; believe also in me. In my Father’s house are many rooms. If it were not so, would I have told you that I go to prepare a place for you? And if I go and prepare a place for you, I will come again and will take you to myself, that where I am, you may be also.” 

I think that says it all.  We only need to knock on the door and the door will be opened because our debt has already been paid.

Imagine you are without a home, or at least without a safe place to go, without a place where you feel safe, secure or where you are loved. 

Things just do not always go right.  You find sometimes that you are in a trough, and it feels more and more like a pit as every minute passes.  We feel like the Psalmist describes in Psalm 69v15: 'Let not the flood sweep over me, or the deep swallow me up, or the pit close its mouth over me'.

It is sometimes of our own making (Psalm 7v5: 'He makes a pit, digging it out and falls into the hole that he has made').  Sometimes it is just events and circumstances.  Either way, it feels like you are well and truly in deep.

What's the way out?  When you seek the Lord in prayer and look in His Word, He sometimes throws down a 'ladder'.  Sometimes you can suddenly see that there are 'handholds' and 'footholds' fixed into the side of the pit.  Sometimes it is only that you look up and see that there is a glimmer of light at the top but it offers hope.  Looking 'up' always offers hope.

The pits and troughs of life are inevitable.  But if we ask the Lord to be with us in them, whilst we will still get hurt, suffer pain and be anxious but we can see a glimmer, the next handhold or the way out.  The Psalmist again describes it all better than anyone in Psalm 103:

'Bless the LORD, O my soul,
   and forget not all his benefits,
who forgives all your iniquity,
   who heals all your diseases,
who redeems your life from the pit,
   who crowns you with steadfast love and mercy,
who satisfies you with good
   so that your youth is renewed like the eagle’s.'

Bless Him indeed.

I woke up at 3am this morning having been dreaming and with the word 'enabled' imprinted in my head.  I didn't want to forget what I had dreamt and I wanted to share with you that:

Jesus through His death and resurrection has not only freed us from our sin and and 'enabled' us to have eternal life, but has 'enabled' access for sinners to God:

'He is able to save to the uttermost those who draw near to God through Him, since He always lives to make intercession for them.' (Hebrews 7v25)

We, being 'enabled' (forgiven and freed) through Jesus, are 'enabled' to sow seeds or be a link in the chain that leads others to freedom through Christ Jesus:

'Go therefore to the main roads and invite to the wedding feast as many as you  find.' (Matthew 22v9)

We are also 'enabled' to encourage and support those who are in fellowship with us or who are drifting, perhaps, like John the Baptist, struggling to believe when all he could see was imprisonment.  What words did Jesus encourage John with?

'Go and tell John what you have seen and heard: the blind receive their sight, the lame walk, lepers are cleansed, and the deaf hear, the dead are raised up, the poor have good news preached to them.' (Luke 7v22)

What John had foretold was coming true.  What an encouragement for him, whatever his situation.  We, like Jesus, can offer words of truth and encouragement and 'enable' those around us to go out and tell and 'enable' others, and so on to the end of time. 

There was a warning with my dream.  There was the warning that 'binding with words' is the opposite of 'enabling with words'.  Here is the truth of God from James 2v12:

Speak and act as those who are going to be judged by the law that gives freedom, because judgment without mercy will be shown to anyone who has not been merciful. Mercy triumphs over judgment!

Have you been 'enabled' through the death and resurrection of Jesus? Who have you 'enabled' today?

Its a time of thinking back over the past year and of walking forward into the new year.  And here we are, four days in already.

In thinking back, I was in wonder at what the Lord had shown me and given me in this past year.  By 'given me', I mean the areas He has opened up for me to serve Him, for the furtherance of His Kingdom and for His Names sake.

33 years ago, when I was first converted through the word of God in Acts 8 'If you believe with all your heart, thou mayest', I thought I had reached the 'goal' of salvation.  I had been converted.  What was there after that?  I had no idea that this was the start of a journey, learning about myself in relation to the laws of God and His righteousness, of walking with Jesus, the building of a relationship and a growing in knowledge of my Saviour and King.  I thought I had got there.  I was baptised and I continued my life. 

I wonder how many people think like I did?  They 'seek for the Lord while He may be found'.  But when they 'find' Him, does the love that God their Saviour has shown them give them a yearning to serve Him, to worship Him in Spirit and in truth?  I hope so.  I hope it was just my walk that took me back into the world for 20 years and that others have not had to look back over such a 'wasteland' at the beginning of this year. 

But if you are still out there in the wasteland, existing in a life that has a big empty God sized hole which once was filled, don't wait any longer.  Turn around and go after your Lord.  Search for Him.  He is able to forgive all our transgressions and give our lives significance and purpose.  Nothing is too great for Him and you will love Him for His saving grace and mercy.  He, after all, is faithful.  It is us sinners who are not.  This is one New Years Resolution that you will never regret!

When you come back to Jesus, it will be all for Him.  Because He alone is worthy.  Its a big lesson to learn and maybe it takes some wilderness years to learn it.  I am now able to praise the Lord for those 20 years because I can see how He used MY fickleness to teach me during that time when I was busy blaming Him. 

You will serve God gladly when His time is right and when He opens up opportunities where your skills and character, given and honed by Himself, will be ready for use in the right place at the right time. 

You only have to turn around and ask Him.

As I read through Isaiah 43 recently, it was with a sense of thankfulness to Father God that as I approach this new year, it is not as some other new years have been, full of heartbreak and brokenness.  But it may be that you are in a broken place this new year, feeling battered, weary and torn.  Christmas is not a good time for some, it can be a time of sadness, of trial and difficulty.  So it is for most people at some point or another in their lives.

Verse 16 of Isaiah 43 refers to the exodus of the Israelites from Egypt.  I thought about how settled the Israelites were in Goshen when Joseph was second in command to Pharoah, how happy they were, how much was provided for them.  They grew as a nation and prospered.  But they suddenly had to come to terms with slavery and oppression as the Pharoahs changed.  How broken they must have felt, and how they must have looked back to their former 'glories' and felt sorry for themselves. 

But their Father God led them to greater things from this slavery and oppression.  He led them out to freedom and to their own country. He rescued and saved them from their oppressors and gave them more than they had ever had before.

'Fear not, for I have redeemed you, I have summoned you by name, you are mine.  When you pass through the waters, I will be with you.  And when you pass through the rivers they will not sweep over you.  When you walk through the fire, you will not be burned.  The flames will not set you ablaze.  For I am the Lord, your God, the Holy One of Israel, YOUR SAVIOUR.' (Isaiah 43v1-3)

I hope this encourages you if you are in one of those oppressed times.  If the Israelites had not been oppressed, they would have been happy to continue as before, as foreigners in a strange land and they would never have known the freedom and joy of having their own country. 

If you read on into Isaiah 44, the Lord God promises again that He will pour water on the thirsty land.  Call on His name and you will be rescued, maybe not immediately but you can at least be comforted that the Lord is with you in all your difficulties. 

'Sing for joy, O heavens, for the Lord has done this; shout aloud, O earth beneath.  Burst into song, you mountains, you forests and all your trees for the Lord has redeemed Jacob'. 

Happy New Year.  May you know the blessing of the Lord in your life as we go into 2009.

Its a funny time of year after Christmas.  You start thinking about 'what its all about' and 'what's coming in the New Year' and 'what's it all for' and about 'new starts'.  A verse in well known Psalm 23 'jumped out' at me a week or so ago and it has stuck with me.

'He leads me in paths of righteousness for His Names sake' (v3).

It says a similar thing in Psalm 31 v 3:

'For Your Names sake You lead me and guide me'.

In Psalm 25v11, the Psalmist says 'For Your Names sake, O Lord, pardon my guilt for it is great'.

What better new start can we have that the Lord God Almighty pardons our guilt? And He has done that by sending Jesus to take our place, to live and die as a perfect human being, and to beat death on our behalf by rising again.  He has provided the way for us to have victory over our sin.  Why? For His Names sake. 'Believe in the Lord Jesus and you will be saved..' (Acts 16v31).  What better new start!

What's it all about? Its about being guided and led by One you can fully trust and who is fully faithful.  The Lord God will not lead you into paths of untruth or harm, He leads in 'paths of righteousness'.  Why does He do that? For His Names sake. 

What's coming in the New Year?  In a sense, it doesn't matter what's coming.  It only matters WHO we walk with into the New Year.  If we remember WHO it is all for, we won't mind what's coming because of our response of love to what He has done for us. 

Its all for His Name's sake.

I had hoped to write a rather more meaningful blog entry for Christmas and it may well be that once we arrive at Mum and Dad's, I can.  But I don't want to miss the opportunity to wish all my 'readers' and 'bloggers' a very blessed and happy Christmas. 

Much as Christmas time is an opportunity for some of us to be with family and friends and share some special times together, the 'real' Christmas is not about presents and people but about celebrating the birth of Jesus, the Son of God, 'Immanuel' being God with us. 

I pray for you all that you will experience thankfulness and joy in your hearts at this time to remember the birth of our Saviour and King and that you will find energy and encouragement in the Christmas story to 'follow the star' to find Jesus for yourself, to bow down, worship and adore Him.

I am away until late December so I hope I will be back on this site to wish you all a very special year in 2009 and to thank you all for your encouragement and support in continuing to visit this site and add your comments when you have them.  Thank you all and may you all know God's warmth and love in your lives, whatever your situation.

Wishing you God's love.

Jennifer

Christmas is 11 days away.  We heard about Herod and the Magi today and were asked what our response is to hearing about the birth of Jesus.  It challenged me - what IS my response?  Do I worship like the wise men or do I feel my 'individuality' and power over myself being threatened, like Herod, by Jesus' reign?  Some interesting thoughts to be had there..

Last week, Pastor Philip was talking to me about the subject of the sermon and said he was 'doing' Herod. As we talked, I suddenly saw how God had frustrated all Herod's opposition to His will so that the birth of Jesus and his subsequent life was just as foretold in the Old Testament (Isaiah 9v6 'for unto us a child is born, to us a son is given'), for example, born in Bethlehem (Micah 5v2) and into the family of David (Isaiah 11v1) and later, that Jesus would be called a Nazarene. 

Herod asked the Magi to report back when they found the Christ in order to kill him (Matthew 2v7-8).  The Magi  had no reason to disbelieve Herod's stated motives of 'worship' because they had come to worship this child themselves, it was the whole objective of their long journey.  (What is my response? - is the whole objective of my 'journey' to worship the God child, Jesus, and to do whatever it takes to get there?).

But God intervened through dreams to frustrate Herod's intentions - He spoke to both the Magi, to warn them not to go back to Herod (Matthew 2v12) and to Joseph, to take Mary off to Egypt to keep them all safe (Matthew 2v13). 

Here is such a great example of God 'preparing the way' so that His will might be done and His Kingdom come.  Throughout the story of Herod, we see how God fulfilled His promises in the Old Testament through His intervention, how God's will was accomplished and proved by His previous prophecy.  Matthew 2, verse by verse, gives a clear picture of the processes God uses to fulfil His purposes, how He has spoken through His Word and how He prepares the way through guidance by the Holy Spirit to fulfil His word through our lives and our service.

I do not know if that makes sense.  I hope you feel the encouragement of this.  The knowledge that God is wholly able and willing to keep me when I have no knowledge of any danger, to guide me through this journey in His will and use me in His service having already prepared the way, is hugely encouraging.  Now, what is my response?

When I arrived at work on Monday morning, I popped into the Church to just tidy up the Welcome table before heading for the office.  What greeted me was a floor that looked as if someone had thrown a few packets of crisps around and then stamped all over them.  Some had reached the carpeted part of the Church and I was not happy! 

I knew what had happened - the youth service, The Bridge, was the last service the previous evening and a mess had been made during refreshments.  The leaders had been too tired to finish the cleaning and had left it, thinking that the Church would not be in use again before they returned on Tuesday morning to hoover the floor.  But I knew that the Church was being used by a village group on Monday evening, not to mention the people who come in every now and then to pray or meditate on the things of God in a quiet place.

I really was quite angry about this mess and that I would have to go and get the hoover and clean it up myself before anyone came in.  But the Lord used this situation to speak to me about finishing the work that He gives us to do.

I found myself wondering, as I hoovered, how often we take things on for the Lord or maybe for our friends and family because we are excited about the project and the potential that these opportunities have for bringing glory to the Lord or happiness to our families.  Our hearts are initially in the right place.  But when they don't quite go to plan or we're tired or we have an illness in the middle of the project or it takes up a lot more time than we thought, the enthusiasm starts to wane, we want to leave things 'until we feel better' or 'until there is likely to be a quicker result' or maybe even that 'someone else will do a better job'. 

I thought, as I finished the hoovering, about Jesus in the Garden of Gethsemane, having spent a long time teaching His disciples, sweating blood in prayer to His Father regarding His impending death and then finding that the people He was doing all this for were asleep and could not even stay awake to support Him or to act as lookouts.  That would have been enough for me to say, 'why should I die for people like this who don't care for me' or 'maybe someone else would do a better job'. 

But Jesus Christ, Son of God, the only one who could save His people, finished the job, at huge cost to Himself because He loves us.  So should we.

I was clearing up in my lounge the other day when I noticed a discarded envelope that had previously housed a sim card for a mobile phone.  I have put a photograph of that envelope up because God spoke to me through the words on it and the picture. 

I saw the people with their hands raised towards the sun and thought of how I should be praising the Lord, 'looking unto Jesus', the 'Sun of Righteousness'. 

I then noticed the words.  'Welcome to Life Unlimited'.  Of course, this was not meant to make me think about God but simply to advertise unlimited phone calls and texts through this supplier's mobile phone sim card.  But God used it to speak to me.  The same day I read from John 10v10, 'I have come that they may have life and have it to the full'. 

I saw that I must worship Him because He has provided me with 'Life Unlimited', full life, eternal life through Jesus Christ, God's only begotten Son.  He has provided it for you too.

Praise, my soul, the King of heaven, to His feet thy tribute bring,

Ransomed, healed, restored, forgiven, who, like me, His praise shall sing.

Praise Him! Praise Him! Praise the Everlasting King!  (Henry Francis Lyte)

I wonder how you all are?  I have had a busy week, getting prepared in the church for Christmas services and for various meetings and so on.  I was also speaking this week at the over 60's Day Centre, my last talk before 2009 as my usual fourth Tuesday in December falls during the Christmas break. 

I spoke about the weather and how depressing it can be when its cloudy, wet and cold and so gloomy.  It was quite amusing because during my whole talk, the sun poured in through the windows of the Church Hall!  But I did speak about how the sun is always there, however hidden it is by cloud and that when the Lord shines on us, it warms us and gives us strength to carry on, rather like how some cold blooded creatures have to warm themselves in the sun before they have enough strength to move and hunt.  I had made little cards with the following encouragement on and the same verse applies to anyone reading this:

'The Lord bless you and keep you; the Lord make His face to shine upon you and be gracious to you.  The Lord lift up His countenance upon you and give you peace.' Numbers 6 v 24-26.

So I need to have a little rest this weekend, getting ready for next weeks workload.  I am still nicotine free although this week I have had a couple of tempting moments.  I have been kept from it.  It is eight weeks, nearly nine, since I had a cigarette.  Thank you for your prayers for me, they are much appreciated.

I wish you all a spiritually uplifting weekend and a rest.

I am still considering the comments of Tim Chester (see last two blogs) where he compares 'communities of performance' with 'communities of grace'.  I find his teaching very thought provoking in spiritual things, although I don't always agree with him.  But I find that it does send me to the Word of God to search for what God says in relation to Tim Chester's remarks. 

In Section 5 (http://timchester.wordpress.com/2008/11/09/creating-communities-of-grace/), Tim Chester talks about building community and eating with 'sinners' just as Jesus did - Jesus came 'eating and drinking' by His own admission and to the authority of the day, the Pharisees and Sadducees' disgust. (Luke 7v34).  Tim Chester says that 'when we are in a position to help people, we often do so from a position of 'superiority'' .  He says that what we are doing 'when we help is we proclaim that we are able and they are unable, that they cannot do anything for themselves'.  This just gives people the impression that we as Christians are somehow better than they are when the only difference is that we know the Lord Jesus as our Saviour and our hearts have been changed, not through any effort on our part but through Jesus sacrifice on the cross, through HIS mercy and grace and purity.

I like the challenge of this comment: 'Think how different the dynamic is when we sit and eat with someone. We meet as equals. We share together. We behave as friends. We affirm one another and enjoy one another.'

This attitude makes my heart sing.  But what will it take to change me to a person who can affirm and share with ANY person who is not a Christian as friends and equals?  Only a real understanding of who Jesus is, the enormity of what He did for me and how I can follow Him truthfully, not in my own mind but in the mind of the Holy Spirit.  I want to treat all people as equal, just as Jesus did.  This requires real humility, real mercy.  To see people as Jesus sees them.

(Photo by Deborah with thanks)

I wanted to continue with the thoughts of Tim Chester in his Communities of Performance v Communities of Grace (http://timchester.wordpress.com/2008/11/09/creating-communities-of-grace/) because he makes some quite eye opening comments in his seven suggested ways to create communities of grace. 

I have focussed on one of them below, one that jumped out at me, of how I have tried so hard to meet 'church' or even 'expected' standard in the past in this respect but have not met with the 'Jesus' standard which is where I really want to be meeting.

It is Tim Chester's last point : Focus on the Heart:

He says: 'What’s your agenda for change? All too often we focus on behaviour. We can list the behaviours we would like someone to stop or start. But Jesus says our behaviour comes from the heart (Mark 7:20-23). Our focus needs to be on the heart. Our job is to help people love God and treasure Christ. In Philippians 1 Paul says the aim of his ministry among them is their joy (1:25-26). He wants them to find joy in Christ – only then will people turn from the pleasures of sin. I do need to describe a life that pleases God. But my job is not to go round telling people to reform their lives or change their behaviour. My job is to help people find joy in Christ.'

If our behaviour comes from the heart, the question is 'in what state is my heart'?  How does it respond to people, to sinners?  Do I just love them?  Or do I judge them and represent a standard that is nothing to do with Jesus? 

I love his last comment because I realise it is not for me to judge others, my job is to HELP PEOPLE FIND JOY IN CHRIST ... and His saving grace, once for all.  What's my job for Jesus?

My Dad sent me some interesting comparisons that they had been looking at during their Church week away.  These were written by Tim Chester of The Crowded House (Sheffield) entitled ‘Communities of Performance versus Communities of Grace’. 

In reading the Communities of Performance section, I recognised much of how I used to be when I first came to know the Lord many years ago.  I behaved in certain ways in order to meet what I perceived to be the requirements of the church and God.  I spent years trying to be something I was not and never could be and to meet the approval of my fellow church members.  I was doomed to failure and sure enough, I did fail.

In his blog (http://timchester.wordpress.com (posted 2^nd November 2008)), Tim Chester gives an interesting insight into this type of church and the pressure it brings to ordinary people like us:  

‘In performance-oriented churches, people pretend to be okay because their standing within the church depends on it. A ‘sorted’ person is seen as the standard or the norm, and anyone who is struggling is seen as sub-standard or sub-Christian. In this kind of environment to acknowledge that you’re struggling with sin is difficult and distressing.’

I found this very telling.  Not only is it how I used to feel but it is how the world thinks, not what Jesus wants or what you would expect to find in a church – for example, if you are seen to be wearing the required standard of clothing, owning your own house, keeping to the right body shape, conforming to the patterns of the church without falling foul of the 'law', you are accepted. 

If you fall outside of these standards then you will be ostracised.  You may be addicted to gambling, to money, to sex, to alcohol or nicotine or stealing or have an anger management problem and no matter how hard you try to reach the ‘standard’ through your own efforts, you are always going to fail.  So the next part of Tim Chester’s blog is very pertinent and truly eye opening.  It is the truth, the reality.  It is what the Bible teaches.

‘...this is the opposite of grace. Grace acknowledges that we are all sinners, we are all messed up people, all struggling, all doubting at a functional level. But grace also affirms that in Christ we all belong, all make the grade, all are welcome, all are Christians (there are no lesser Christians).’

What a comfort this is!  What encouragement! Jesus came not to call the righteous, but sinners to repentance (Matthew 9v13).  Next time you are trying hard to ‘do the right thing’ but going completely the opposite way, take your needs to Jesus and He will bring you to repentance.  Be honest with Him, confess your sins, the real ones, to Him.  Turn to Him and turn away from sin.  Jesus offers life, sin offers death. 

‘Choose life…. loving the Lord your God, obeying His voice and holding fast to Him for HE is your life….’   (Deuteronomy 30v19)

As some of you know, I have been busy card making for weeks now, partly in preparation to sell them, the proceeds to go to Crisis at Christmas which I have supported for a good few years.  Tonight I went to the Evening of Christmas where I had a table but I didn't sell very many cards at all.  My total income was £38 which was much less than I was hoping.  But it is about £30 profit so perhaps I should not be so disappointed.  I will have to think of somewhere else to sell the rest...

Work is going well but I am not used to having so many 'physical' visitors!  Phone calls, I am used to, people, I am not!  But I am sure I will get used to it.  I hope I don't have too many days like today where the office seemed to be like Piccadilly Circus and I ended up feeling frustrated that I had not finished the work I had set out for myself to do.

But there are lovely compensations... one of those is the 10to10 prayer slot which was implemented recently where we pray from 9.50am to 10.00am (10to10 to 10 actually, if you see what I mean!) as a staff team giving the day to the Lord and any needs.  Everyone is so nice too.  And yesterday morning, I read at home Isaiah 62 v 3-4, finding verse 4 and also v 5 particularly uplifting.  These verses lift our soul to praise the Lord and calls in love each of us to service who know the Lord Jesus as our Saviour and King:

'No longer will they call you Deserted or name your land Desolate.  But you will be called Hephzibah (meaning 'my delight is in her') and your land, Beulah (meaning 'married')..... as a bridegroom rejoices over his bride, so will God rejoice over you.'

Rejoice over Him.  Such love and such mercy demands such praise.

Its been a great week at my new job.  I feel like my round peg has been fitted into an exactly matching round hole in my work life.  I have not only had a wonderful welcome with many gifts and cards but have also have had a lot of people willing to give their time, and patience, to help me learn some of the systems and get settled in.

I am now able to walk to work - its a shame its been pouring with rain for most of the time!  But it gives me a ten minute prayer time each way as I go to and from work, to give God my day and thank Him for His creation and saving grace.

On Sunday morning, the talk was about how Jesus through 'offering himself without blemish to God' 'once for all' enables our conscience to be purified from 'dead works', enabling us to serve the living God (Hebrews 9v11-14).  It was encouraging and confirming that it is not necessary when we have faith in Jesus' saving grace to hold on to guilt once we have asked for forgiveness and turned from our sin.  'He is faithful and just to forgive us our sins and save us from all unrighteousness'. 

(If you want to hear more of this sermon which was so very uplifting, you can find it at http://www.pemburybaptistchurch.org/sermon/jesus-is-the-cleanser-of-our-conscience/ where you can either listen or read the notes.)

I am so thankful for the freedom that Jesus has made available through His death and resurrection to all who hear His voice.  And that I am still nicotine free after six weeks.

A quick update.  I have finished at my old job - popping in on Saturday morning to do the last few bits and leaving my keys behind so that I really couldn't go back anymore!  They gave me a wonderful send off, I had a few drinks with friends I had made during my almost seven year job on Thursday night and at Friday lunchtime, just the three of us from work had a lovely meal together.  My boss, Ian, gave me a large NIV Life Application Bible as a goodbye momento and my friend and colleague, Sarah, gave me a Filofax.

This morning as I prepared for my new job, my mind was suddenly filled with memories of my unsavoury past and I felt very emotional and strained, almost panicky.  I came downstairs and picked up my daily reading notes and turned to Job 23.  Verses 6 and 7 jumped out at me:

'Would he oppose me with great power? No, he would not press charges against me.  There an upright man could present his case before him and I would be delivered for ever from my judge'.

I understood that Jesus was that Upright Man and that He had taken my place, presented the case through Himself and that I was forever delivered from judgement.  I immediately felt my soul respond in praise and thanks and the light of His Word flooded the darkness in my mind.  What a wonderful Saviour we have in Jesus!

I hope you have all had as uplifting a weekend as I have.  I was able to attend a conference on Saturday at Tonbridge Baptist Church where the speaker was Guy Chevreau from Canada.  He was speaking on Luke 4v18 which is a quote from Isaiah 61:

'The Spirit of the Lord is on me, because he has anointed me to preach good news to the poor. He has sent me to proclaim freedom for the prisoners and recovery of sight for the blind, to release the oppressed ...'

On Saturday he spoke specifically on proclaiming freedom for the prisoners, recovery of sight for the blind and to release the oppressed.  He spoke of being free from imprisoned by fear and specifically applied the verse from 1 John, that 'perfect love casts out fear' and then from Romans 8 v 38-39:

'For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord.'

Jesus has the victory. So do we, as His redeemed. Isaiah 44v23 says:

'Sing for joy, O heavens, for the LORD has done this; shout aloud, O earth beneath. Burst into song, you mountains, you forests and all your trees, for the LORD has redeemed Jacob, he displays his glory in Israel.'  Thanks be to God.

(I have been nicotine free for four weeks.  More reason to be thankful.)

(Photo supplied by Deborah and used with thanks)

We had a lovely holiday but it's nice to be back.  I have re-started my Christmas card making and settled back into work.  And I am still breathing clean air only!  It's been three weeks... thank you so much for all your prayers.

I re-read the book 'The Shack' on holiday. I think it has given me a better understanding of the meaning of 'God with us'.  When we pray or worship or both, we are talking and praising a real Man, just as if we are talking to a friend or partner.  Whilst I understood this truth before, I feel I know it in my heart, that Jesus is Immanuel.  It has raised my awareness of who I am and why I am here and why suffering is part of being here on earth.

On the suffering subject, do you find it is those closest to you who are often the greatest persecutors?  I expect as I draw closer to my new job to be tested and there have been deeper rumblings of discontent about my faith from some of those who I am closest to.  I get comments like 'you are so extreme', 'its all rubbish, you're brainwashed' and 'there is no God, its a sop'.  On the persecution scale, its small beer but it smarts and sometimes becomes loud rumblings.  I am tempted sometimes to just stop, stay in my present job, take the easy option and stop going to church and focusing on my Lord.  I need to be strong but loving at the same time.

And what keeps me going?  I think back to life without my Lord and I know I don't want to return to that emptiness of life with no purpose or value or significance.  And after what my Lord suffered for me, how can I turn back?  God loved me so much that He sent His Son, His only Son, to die for me, for my sins (John 3v16).  How can I turn my back on that?

This is a short blog entry just to say time is squashing up!  Today I have to do some correspondence for my old job before going to a meeting of church leaders to discuss 2009 events until 2.00pm relating to my new job when I will be returning to take two interviews to try to find someone to replace me.  Then I have to pack for the holiday we are going to tomorrow and clean up the house.  We leave at 8.00am tomorrow morning for a rented cottage on a beef farm near Wareham for a weeks break.

Yesterday I felt so provided for as we have not been busy so I had not asked any one to cover my work whilst I was away and then realised that there were a couple of reports coming up!  But I was able to find a lady to cover with my first phone call rather than having to spend a lot of time on ringing round.  Not only does this help my colleagues at work but allows me to really relax on holiday.

I have just finished reading a book called The Shack by William P Young which has really given me some food for thought about my relationship with God, Jesus and the Holy Spirit and I will be re-reading it on holiday.  It is challenging to say the least and needs prayer and testing.  I hope on my return that I will be able to convey something of what I have found.

Finally, I am still 'nicotine clean' and I so long to continue but I am aware that I have had nothing to seriously tempt me yet.  I still need prayer for strength to overcome the controlling aspects of the habit and I am thankful that the Lord has answered both mine and others prayers for 12 days now. For quite long stretches of time, I forget that I have ever smoked.  Thanks be to God.

I pray that the Lord will keep you all during the next week in His love and strength and I look forward to talking with you when I return.

This is just a short blog to say, Yes! I am five days into my 'clean air campaign' (as one of my kind, supportive friends calls my personal campaign to stop smoking) and it has been manageable. 

I don't think I have been irritable and difficult but perhaps I should ask around first before I claim to have been calm!  But I still need to keep focussed and keep praying.  This is only the start.  Everyone's prayers are much appreciated for strength to continue because I have failed in this so many times before.

I have more time on my hands at the moment and I have been busy card making again, this time focussing on Christmas and maybe, if I get enough made, to sell for Crisis, a homeless people's charity (http://www.crisis.org.uk/) who not only give homeless people an opportunity to have a great Christmas each year but also do rehabilitation courses and training which is a real need.  I never think I am grateful enough for the roof over my head, my food and drink and my clothing.  My basic needs are constantly filled yet I take them for granted often. 

I am recognising particularly at the moment, with the economic climate the way it is worldwide, that virtually in one day any of us could be in a 'homeless' situation and I thank God that He is able to provide in all circumstances.  I pray that He will raise up people who can resolve this situation.

Psalm 20v7: 'Some trust in chariots, and some in horses: but we will remember the name of the LORD our God.'

Its been a funny six months.  Its been confusing, I have felt up and down, my work life has been anything but easy and I have felt my closeness to the Lord seeping away.  Doors have been closing like my feelings of loyalty and love of my present job and the Parish Council work that I wanted to be a part of has been completed. 

Doors have been gradually opening like the advertisement of a full time Administrator post at the Church where I worship and then the salary that I needed being offered.  Most of all, the people who were against me applying for the Administrator job have had changes of heart (God's doing, I believe) and what seemed impossible is now possible.  But I had not heard directly from God's word about this step in faith.

Finally, when I came home from my second interview for the new position, I picked up my Bible and my daily reading notes (Every Day with Jesus by the late Selwyn Hughes) fell out.  My eye was drawn to the text for 8th September.  It read:

'He is risen.... He has gone before you into Galilee' (Matthew 28v7).  I knew that the Lord had prepared the way for me to go to my new job and felt praise at His wonderful provision.

I looked up what happened when the Lord Jesus met the disciples in Galilee.  The disciples had gone back fishing but had not caught anything.

(photo link: http://www.flickr.com/photos/danwrightphotos/348505904/ with thanks to Dan Wright for permission). 

Jesus told them to cast their nets on the right side of the boat.  They obeyed His word and caught 153 fish, the Bible tells us.  The net was so heavy they couldn't pull it into the boat.  What joy I felt in this!  The Lord has prepared the way and, if we obey His word, we will catch 'fish'.  We are to be fishers of men.  I pray that the Lord will help me to use my gifts and skills to facilitate the catching of many fish for His glory.

I have given up smoking again.  It is Day 2.  I will keep you posted.  Any prayer would be gratefully received because the Lord God answers prayer.

It is a time for rejoicing!  I have a new job working 'for God' as my husband quite rightly puts it but I am particularly rejoicing today because I have the gift of a new grandson, Harry James, who arrived early this morning with fairly minimum fuss and weighed in at 9lbs 15oz!  And my daughter Fran is very well.  Thanks be to God for His wonderful works to the children of men.

'I praise you, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made. Wonderful are your works; my soul knows it very well'. Psalm 139v14

We went to an event in Eastbourne on Saturday called Speed Day which incorporated the final leg of the Downhill Speed Skateboarding World Cup.  All the vehicles were gravity fed so only gathered speed when travelling downhill.  It was breathtaking watching the various types of skateboard, luge, roller blades and pedal less bikes whizzing past us and the skill and daring of the riders was jaw dropping. 

There was a catch though!  The fact that these vehicles only work downhill would normally mean the riders having a long walk back up the hill to the top.

I thought how often the 'thrill of the ride' beckons us and we step on board but only realise as we slow down near the bottom that its a long way back to the top.  This is true on all levels, both in our spiritual lives and also if we do not know God, with thrill seeking, addictions or simply the loss of something or someone important in our lives.

Some of the riders walked back up but the majority got on the buses that were provided for them.  Sometimes when we are down at the bottom of the hill of life, we ignore the 'vehicles' that are provided for us to climb back up. 

For non-believers, there are sometimes families, friends and often organisations who will help with the down side of life.  For those who believe, there is the benefit of going to a loving, patient and forgiving God, the Bible, prayer, and there are 'buses' in the church that can help - belonging to a house group or asking for a mentor can be vehicles where you might feel safe enough to ask for help.

It would have been no use the riders sitting at the bottom of the hill, once they had their run.  They needed to reach the top again, one way or another.  It takes a lot of courage to ask for help and sometimes just to admit that help is needed.  So what's the point of this tale?

Remember the view when you were at the top of the hill?  It'll give you hope to turn around.  If you're at the bottom of the hill, find a bus that can help you to reach the top.  It might be a slow climb but it offers hope that you will reach the summit again.   

Sometimes life just runs away with me and it seems to have this last week.  I feel like I've been on a moving escalator and just snatching at my various jobs and home life and that I can't get off! 

Its been a week of preparing for and attending an interview, Parish Council Meetings starting again after the summer recess, the telephone starting to ring again at work and our wedding anniversary! 

My colleague, Sarah, and I have also started to have a prayer/Bible study meeting before work using our Every Day for Jesus notes.  We talked about this many months ago with the idea that we should give our work and our company to God to use for His glory but it has taken a while to germinate and come to fruition. 

We have only had one so far, but it was of such benefit and God gave us half an hour of peace sharing and praying together in this busy life.  Hopefully it will become an integral part of our work life that we cannot bear to miss.

'To Him who is able to keep you from falling and to present you before his glorious presence without fault and with great joy—to the only God our Saviour be glory, majesty, power and authority, through Jesus Christ our Lord, before all ages, now and for evermore! Amen' (Jude 1v24)

I heard over the weekend that a Christian man, Mr X, had been 'cut off' by his Christian friend, Mr Y, because he had been helping another man, Mr Z, who is going through a divorce and has lost his licence for a year through drink driving.  Mr X has been driving Mr Z to his job sites so that Mr Z did not lose his job for the duration of his driving ban but Mr Y seemed to believe that by doing this, Mr X was condoning Mr Z's behaviour and even, perhaps, being tainted by him in some way.

I was so terribly saddened by this and as I tried to think it through from all sides, I saw Jesus looking for the lost sheep, finding it and, in unconditional love, bringing it back to the fold. 

Jesus didn't say 'well, its only one sheep and its been very badly behaved so I'll stay here with my good sheep and I certainly don't want to be seen with that waster'.  Jesus didn't shut His eyes to the problem and hope it would go away.  He went after the lost sheep to find it.  Jesus cared so much about this lost sheep that He left His sheep that were safe already in the fold to go and find the wanderer.  He wasn't worried about what other people would think about it.  Jesus came to save the lost. 

I also thought how easy it is to forget that I was once that lost sheep, wandering about, crying out to anyone who would listen, not knowing which way to go back to the fold or whether I had ever been in the fold in the first place.  I thought I was unforgiveable.  Many people who have backslidden feel like that.  But we are not unforgiveable.  It is a lie perpetuated by Satan and when you are lost, wandering and can't see a way out, its how you feel.  Don't cut off a wanderer.  Put out your hand and ask how you can help.  Pray for them.  They may not want your help but if they know you are there if they do, they will come back.

We are to follow Jesus.  We are to have compassion for the lost, however exasperating their situation appears or judgemental we feel.  We might not understand what has made them behave the way they do but we have been saved from the very same thing - sin.  Our path is to show compassion and love as well as being clear about what and why we believe. 

We don't have to condone a sin to offer practical help.  Nor do we have to fall into that sin to understand.  We have to show love, the love that God showed to us in that 'while we were yet sinners, Christ died for us' (Romans 8v5).  And that means speaking to the lost sheep, not ignoring them, helping them, building trust and showing them how God's Kingdom works, through acts of love and compassion.  God never leaves us nor forsakes us.  Am I following God's example?

It is helpful to remember where I would have been if God not come along and forgiven me, given me acceptance through Jesus's death, and security and purpose in my life. 

I want to share with others that there is a way back.  Keep crying out, Jesus will come.  I hope I can be used as a link in the chain that leads lost sheep to the cross of Jesus.

It was good to see my parents and some other members of my family.  We had a happy time and safe journeys.  I was able to attend my parents’ church and worship God with them.  During the sermon, the minister said how newborn babies long for milk, they cry and yearn for it and when they take it, it makes them grow and gain strength and how, if we desired the milk of the Word as much as babies desire milk, we would drink it in avidly and gain the nutrition of knowing Jesus more (1 Peter 2v2).  Mr Watts, the minister, said ‘The point of hearing God’s word is to be CHANGED by it’.

I thought how babies change, how the nutrition they gain from the milk gives them strength and confidence to move, to start crawling then to start walking and take stronger food and so they continue to grow into maturity.  

When I arrived home on Sunday night, I opened an old paperback New Testament to read a few verses before I went to bed.  It opened on a passage at the end of Ephesians 3.  I had, at some time previously, underlined v20:

‘Now to Him who is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine, according to His power that is at work within us’.  The underline stopped there. 

When I read on to the next verse which is part of the same sentence, I could see how the Lord had been changing me in the intervening years and how I had grown a little through ‘drinking’ and ‘eating’ His Word.  It encouraged me that my heavenly Father was continuing His work in me. 

Verse 21 reads ‘to Him be glory in the church and in Christ Jesus throughout all generations, for ever and ever, Amen.’

Verse 20 is all about what God has done for me and clearly, at the time I underlined the verse, I had recognised what God could do for me in providing salvation through Jesus Christ.  I knew He could ‘immeasurably’ provide all things if only I asked.  But it seems that I had then only understood half the story, just like the baby who has just got to it's feet.  As I read those verses again now, I wanted to underline Verse 21 because I have learned that it is all because of God the Father and for His glory alone. 

The growth pattern is like a childs relationship to its parent - there comes a point in our lives when it is not so much what the parent can do and continues to do for their child, but what we as grown children can do for them, in gratitude and love for their provision and protection of us as they nurtured and fed us.  We want to give them honour and glory.  The whole sentence reads:

‘Now to Him who is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine, according to His power that is at work within us, to Him be glory in the church and in Christ Jesus throughout all generations, for ever and ever, Amen.’

Tonight Hubby and I are off to see my Mum and Dad up in the middle of England for a few days - we live in the South East.  We are very much looking forward to seeing them as it has been a little while since we have visited them. 

I was thinking about how spoilt I am having loving and kind parents.  Some don't know their parents or where they come from.  Some wish they didn't.  Thinking about this reminded me of a talk I gave to the Day Centre about family.  Not all of the people who attend the Day Centre have family and I said to them that whatever they believed about how the world came about, whether created by God or evolving out of a big bang, people still started out from ONE source. 

And if we all came from one source, then we all must be family... mustn't we?  Whatever we look like?  Whether we're fat, thin, short, tall, medium, black, white, brown, whatever?  Whether we're clever, smart, intelligent, sporty, beautiful, ugly? 

So although I have a documented biological family and so may you, both you and I have an even bigger family because every single person in the world is related to me and you!  So hello to all my family and I will be back after the Bank Holiday weekend.

I pray that every brother and sister might come to know their heavenly Father.

This morning I was thinking about how immense God is, how splendid, how majestic and how I cannot even imagine that He is unable to save, unable to help, unable to inspire in any situation.  It was almost laughable to me, the very thought that our God would ever be unfaithful or unloving.  I can rely wholly on Him for my every need and He provides it because He loves me.

For I am sure that neither death nor life, nor angels nor rulers, nor things present nor things to come, nor powers, nor height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God in Christ Jesus our Lord.  (Romans 8v38-39)

We only need to believe.

On Sunday evening at church, a DVD was shown from a series by the late Selwyn Hughes called 7 Laws for Life.  It was about perseverance, endurance in the Christian faith.  Over one third of people apparently fall away from faith in Christ having heard the Word and rejoiced.

I was struck by two particular comments during the DVD and want to share them with you. 

Firstly, Mick Brooks, the presenter, said 'What would have happened if the Israelites had only marched round the walls of Jericho six times and not seven?'  (Joshua 6v15 and 20). Would the walls have fallen if they had not been obedient to God's instruction?  I felt challenged to press on in obedience and further, if we press on, there is the evidence in this situation that the walls will collapse and God will give us the 'city'.

Secondly, Mick Brooks cited the prophet Jeremiah who 'preached' constantly to a nation who had closed hearts and ears.  Yet every day, he got up 'to be with His Lord'. 

Each day is God's day and we should wake in 'obedient delight and expectant hope'.

How very challenging.

We had a great holiday, busy and relaxing but it is good to be home.  The weather in Crete was very hot and the land was dry and brown.  It was quite nice to get back to the drizzle at London Gatwick Airport early last Saturday morning.  And I think that’s probably what started my thoughts about rain and its refreshing and beneficial power.

‘Yet He commanded the skies above and opened the doors of heaven, and He rained down on them manna to eat and gave them the grain of heaven.’ (Psalm 78v23-24)

In thinking about ‘rain’, I realised that there are three different words that sound the same but have different and relevant meaning.

In the verse above, God RAINS down food (manna) on His people, He gives them nutrition and growth.  He is a great Provider.

In the same verse, He also clearly REIGNS.  He is able to command the skies and open the doors of heaven.  He is a great King.

Furthermore, he holds the REINS, He has us in His hands and is our Guide and our protection for evermore.  He is a great Father.

It’s good to be back.

Simply to say bye to you all for a week as we go off to Crete tonight and to wish you all blessings before our return next Saturday.

Your prayers for a restful week would be wonderful, especially that I am not too tired to enjoy this beautiful island (the flights are through the night with a two hour coach journey from the airport to the apartment) and that the Holy Spirit will surround us and protect us.  There were bush fires in the area local to where we are staying only a week ago so we are particularly hopeful that they will not threaten us.  I am also praying that everything at work might go well and that we will come back refreshed and ready for whatever lies ahead at this uncertain time.

With love to you all and speak to you soon!

I heard with sadness last week that a friend of mine who suffers from severe depression had been sent back to hospital again because she had gone back into a state of being a danger to herself.  But it reminded me of a conversation I had had with her, way back when she first descended into this depression state.  I want to share that with you because it helped me and it may help you.

My friend, Jay, said by way of explanation of her state of mind that she felt as if she was a spider on the end of a silk thread, just perilously blowing about in the wind feeling that the silk thread was to break at any time. 

I suddenly saw this as a picture of our lives sometimes as Christians.  It can seem as if we are hanging on by a thread when everything around us is unstable and we cannot grasp hold and secure that thread to anything solid.

But I also saw that the thread is made up of God's promises and the way He has led us through out our lives.  The thread is attached to us and it is also attached to the web that is God's kingdom.  We can grasp hold of those promises and climb back up to the web.  Sometimes it takes a long time to grasp hold of the thread but there is a way back.  God will provide a way back.

I also looked up about spider silk and one web site pointed out that a spider's silk has the equivalent strength of a steel hauser.  So just hold on!  The silk can't break because God's promises can never fail.  He is a wholly faithful and true God and He will finish what He has started.  Even though it might feel very fragile and insecure in times of deep trouble, God has hold at the 'web' end and you can rely on Him that, through His grace, mercy and love, your end will be in His Kingdom with Him. 

Today as I was driving in to work and feeling a little weary, it came into my mind that Jesus had to walk everywhere with His disciples. In Matthew 15 there are three verses where Jesus ‘walks on’.

‘And Jesus went away from there and withdrew to the district of Tyre and Sidon.’ Matt 15v21

‘Jesus went on from there and walked beside the Sea of Galilee. And he went up on the mountain and sat down there.’ Matt 15v29

‘And after sending away the crowds, he got into the boat and went to the region of Magadan.’ Matt 15v39

It wasn't every day He was performing amazing miracles and drawing people to Him, it just seems that way in the Bible because there is only one verse inbetween many others saying that Jesus walked to the next village or to another place so we don't notice those verses so much. 

It occurred to me that we have to 'walk between villages', between the God given opportunities to serve in our own particular ministries, because we must follow Him.  It wasn’t glory all the way for our Lord.  There were times of just keeping on going in His Father’s will without seeing any visible fruit or benefit for the furthering of the Kingdom of God.

Imagine having to walk to your next meeting!  It must have taken Jesus a good few days to walk between the various places but He pushed on because He had His Father's work to do and His Father was with Him.  Jesus must have had sore feet and tired, aching legs, just like we do.  He really does know our infirmities, doesn't He?  But thankfully, He never gave up, He just kept going to where His Father’s will was to be done, even to the Cross. 

What an example for me, I thought, not to give up but to keep walking on to the next village.  We too, as His children, have the ‘Father’ with us, the Spirit of Jesus who is ‘Immanuel’, God with us.  Jesus kept walking because of His love for His people and His Father.  So must I.

I found this helpful this morning as I turned on my computer and turned to Word for Today on the internet.  I have copied it almost completely.  The writer is Bob Gass.  The link is:

http://www.ucb.co.uk/word_for_today

“ ‘For to me, to live is Christ.' Those words don't work any other way.

Try it:

 a) For me, to live is money...to die is to leave it all behind.

b) For me, to live is fame...to die is to be quickly forgotten.

c) For me, to live is power and influence...to die is to be replaced by others.

d) For me, to live is possessions...to die is to depart empty handed.

Somehow the words fall flat, don't they?

When money's your obsession you can never get enough, and you live in constant fear of losing it.

When fame's your goal you become competitive and manipulative lest others upstage you. That makes you insecure.

When power and influence drive you, you become self-serving and strong-willed. That makes you arrogant.

When possessions become your God, you become materialistic. That makes you greedy.

Whether you have or don't have, are known or unknown, live or die; only Christ can satisfy. And death? That only sweetens the pie.”

''For to me, to live is Christ, and to die is gain.' Philippians 1:21

There is no other way for me to live.  This is real perspective and purpose.

Since last Friday, a verse from Joshua 1 has been ringing in my head.  It is this:

'Every place that the sole of your foot will tread upon I have given to you, just as I promised to Moses'.

It might seem a strange verse but I have felt it to be a promise of God for the building of His Kingdom here on earth.  It is about where we go as Christians, as His people and it is very encouraging and exciting, spurring us on to march for Jesus in all our walks of life.

I felt that the Lord is saying to me that wherever I go, He will take that place for Himself, for His people.  This is of huge encouragement to me in my 'mission'.

In the same chapter there is the well known promise 'I will not leave you or forsake you.'  The Lord says to Joshua 'Be strong and courageous for you shall cause this people to inherit the land'.  I have always thought how difficult it is to be strong and courageous for the Lord.  I have a fear of things, sometimes of people and what they think.  But I thought that having such a promise that 'every place my feet tread the Lord has given me', it gives me His strength and courage.

There is a proviso later in the chapter, in v7 where God reiterates to Joshua to be strong and courageous.  He continues:

'being careful to do according to all the law that Moses my servant commanded you.  Do not turn from it to the right hand or to the left.... This Book of the Law shall not depart from your mouth but you shall meditate on it day and night so that you may be careful to do according to all that is written in it'.

So the proviso is obedience to God's ways.  How do we learn God's ways? He has given us His word.  Again, it seems so difficult to 'meditate on God's word day and night'.  But it doesn't say that you must read five chapters a day or any such thing.  We sometimes set ourselves huge tasks to do for God which are the product of what we believe God would want from us, not actually what God wants.

If you don't like reading much, just read one verse a day, memorise it and think about it during that day.  The Spirit of God will open it up to you and when He does, there is a lightness, an understanding, a help through.  Ask the Lord to show you what He means by His word.  And it will strengthen and encourage us to tread in the way of the Lord. 

There are 31,103 verses in the Bible.  That is a verse a day for 85 years of life.  So there are plenty of opportunities for us to be daily strengthened and encouraged by meditating on God's word.  And if we are treading in that way, His Way, He will give us the land.

As you may have gathered from my previous post (and thank you for the personal emails I received in relation to it, your care and prayers are much appreciated), my mind has been on something of a 'spin cycle'.  This has been going on for more than a month because of the changes happening in my work life which have, I thought, meant that I needed to make some decisions but which I was afraid to make in case it was not God's way.  I was in such a 'spin' in my mind that I couldn't even focus on prayer or reading and consequently felt myself to be without God's presence.

The 'spin cycle' came to an end on Sunday and I have continued in peace since. 

On Sunday morning, Wayne, our Pastor spoke on mission and I was reminded again (as I had been the Tuesday before) that my 'work' here was to show God's love and glory in each of my spheres of life, home, work, in fact whatever was involved in every hour of every day.  

I asked for prayer after the service, something I have not done before.  I felt 'forced' to, propelled up to the front after the service.  The lady who prayed for me asked the Lord for peace in my heart and then started to praise God for the talk that I gave in the Day Centre the Tuesday before on 'food'.  She thanked God that when I gave my talk, she could understand me because it was simple and straightforward and said that it wasn't often that people spoke in a simple enough way for her to understand. 

I was truly humbled by this prayer because I put that talk together late on the night before I was due to speak.  I thought it was not very good and, because of my confusion of mind thought that it was of me, not of God.  I suddenly knew during this prayer that God had continued His work however far away I felt from Him.  I knew that whatever happens in my 'life spheres', whatever the confusion, that I should be using each day to further God's kingdom here on earth, to love and encourage and support those around me, that it is one day at a time and that each day has to be lived for God's glory. 

I remembered afresh that my mission is to love God and love my neighbour as myself and that I was to share Gods love, that He has given me, with all those around me.  That was ALL I had to do because if I am seeking God's kingdom first, then all other things will be added to me (Matthew 6 v 33-34) and 'sufficient for the day is its own trouble'.  I do not have to be anxious about tomorrow because God will provide in all things. 

I felt that I had wasted a month of my life worrying about what I was to do next or what decision to make, when during that month, I could have been daily bringing God's love to those around me.  It doesn't actually matter where I am working, it only matters how I work and whether I fulfil the mission God has given me to do, to tend His vineyard. 

We all have the same mission, I realised, and we just need to fulfil that mission with God's guidance and leading through His word.  It's all tied up in those two words that He speaks to His disciples.  'Follow Me'.

I am in a time of difficulty at the moment.  My life is not running smoothly.  It is a time of trial and I am not being very patient with it.  I have reached certain crossroads, yet it is taking time for the scenarios to pan out so that I can see clearly where the open door is and which door is closed and what God's will is for me.  My web site has also been down, in that the blog was lost for a couple of days and also I could not update it.  I have been trying to work it all out myself, just as I have done many times before.  You would think I had learnt by now, wouldn't you?

But now the web site is working again and I heard and read some really helpful comments on 'missional living' yesterday and today.  And I remembered what the Lord had called me to, to live for Him, to serve Him and further His Kingdom in His plan for me in each of my spheres of life.  I know I must let Him work in me and be patient.  And I know as He does that it will be for my good, what is best for me, as well as His will. 

I realised that however I may feel, I have the Rock under my feet that cannot be moved and I have His Light shining in my path. 

I remembered the verse 'Love the Lord with all your heart, mind, soul and body and love your neighbour as yourself'.  Couldn't be much clearer really.

We are back from a great long weekend trip to Krakow in Poland.  But it almost thrilled me more when I looked at the website to find I had a prayer request and I thank God for the encouragement that He is using the site to bring Him praise and worship.

To Lesley who left the prayer request, thank you for trusting me with your burden. 

(We are to share our burdens one with another because in so doing we fulfil the law of Christ, Galatians 2v6).

I tried to reply to you but the email address you left is incorrect.  If you would like a reply, please email me again, if not, its not a problem.  I would love to hear from you when God has answered our prayers so that we may praise Him together for His wonderful grace and power.

If anyone would like prayer, please email me through the 'Contact' page. 

It often feels that we can do nothing if we have seemingly insurmountable difficulties or if those we love have problems but we have a God who can do all things because He alone has the power.  He has also enabled us to come before His throne with our needs and He will answer in His mercy and love.  It may not be quite what we were expecting as an answer but He alone knows what is best for us. 

As members of the body of Christ, we share with each others joy and sorrow and if just an email of encouragement or support is needed, don't hesitate!  Just send the email and I will reply as soon as I am able.

This is a simple 'news' update that I will be away in Poland from Friday morning  to celebrate the christening of my husband's niece, Emily, and therefore will be posting nothing before my return on Tuesday next.

Please pray for safe journeys and a bit of a rest.  I look foward to my return.

I was thinking about ‘the Lord sustains me’ at my prayer slot on Friday.  I started thinking about different foods, how some are nutritious and good for my body, they give me strength and energy but how other foods, even though they taste great at the time of eating, actually sap energy and strength – they do not sustain.  If anything, and certainly if digested too much and too often, they degenerate the body and cause lethargy rather than energy.

I thought how true this was in relation to spiritual things.  If I don’t drink from the living streams of God through His Holy Spirit and eat of the Living Bread by reading His Word, my energy and strength drains away and I am left in want. 

I thought about how the Word and the Spirit provide me with ‘Living Water’ and the ‘Bread of Life’ that sustain me spiritually.  But I also considered that I have to ‘eat’ this Bread of Life and ‘drink’ this Living Water.  I am not drip fed.

But how often do I not worship my Lord, how often do I not read His words in favour of other meat and drink?  Then I wonder why I am too weak and out of strength to march for Jesus, to fight the good fight?  It’s too often.  But then I become hungry and thirsty for a taste of my Lord and long for a sip of that living water, a piece of bread.  I had a further thought: if I feel strong and controlling in myself, I won’t go to my Lord because I have no ‘room’ for Him. 

Jesus said ‘If anyone is thirsty, let him come to me and drink. Whoever believes in me, as the Scripture has said, streams of living water will flow from within him’.  (John 7 v 37-38).

In Psalm 23v1, David says ‘The Lord is my Shepherd, I shall not want’.  It is the Lord is able to sustain.

Thank you, Lord for making me hungry and thirsty for you and may streams of living water flow from me to other thirsty people.

I came home from a 40th birthday party tonight to find my Mum had sent me a poem which I hadn't heard before but continues the theme from some previous blogs about the suffering people go through.  I found it very thought provoking, particularly the part about God seeing the top side of the tapestry and me only seeing the underneath - how true!  (The author is unknown - I have searched the internet but all research has come up with no-one to credit it to.) 

The tapestry in the small picture above is hung in Leeds Castle near Maidstone, Kent and this photo shows only a tiny part of the whole wall hanging.  It strikes me that this is another reminider of how we are part of a much larger picture, the whole Church of God (also as mentioned in a previous blog re jigsaws.)

My life is but a weaving
between my Lord and me;
I cannot choose the colours,
He worketh steadily.
Oft times He weaveth sorrow,
And I, in foolish pride,
Forget He sees the upper,
And I the underside.

Not 'til the loom is silent
and the shuttles cease to fly,
Shall God unroll the canvas
and explain the reason why.
The dark threads are as needful
in the Weaver's skilful hand,
As the threads of gold and silver
in the pattern He has planned.

He knows, He loves, He cares,
nothing this truth can dim.
He gives His very best to those
who leave the choice with Him.

I have had a busy couple of weeks with work and speaking at the Day Centre, and this weekend was a Bank Holiday and also my husband’s birthday so the days have filled up rapidly.

We have visited a lovely house and gardens in Kent called Chartwell where Winston Churchill lived for 40 years.  The flower beds were beautiful and the blocks of colour created were stunning.

I have thought about the glory of flowers previously, particularly when you see the first bluebell appear, all on its own, standing tall and beautiful but sometimes quite difficult to see amongst the weeds and other foliage on the wood floor where they seem to thrive.  That first flower is just as glorious as all the others that will eventually appear but when the bluebells all stand together, all their flowers out, they are a breathtakingly glorious sight and are often heavily scented so you can smell them sometimes before you see them.

We hear people say quite a lot ‘oh, you don’t need to go to church to be a Christian’.  Well, that is, of course, true but standing alone, whilst still showing God’s glory in the ‘fruit’ sometimes means that God’s glory in one person’s life is all but hidden amongst the weeds and dead litter of worldly life.  When the church gathers, it seemed to me, it is like when all the bluebells are out and God’s glory there can be breathtaking and His presence as heady as the scent of the massed flowers.

We might not need to go to church but without that joining together of ‘flowers’, perhaps it does not give God as much thanks and glory as we are able.  On a practical level non-attendance can mean missing out on the encouragement and support that can be gained and given in the meeting together of like minds, brothers and sisters in Christ.

‘Round each habitation hovering, 

see the cloud and fire appear 

for a glory and a covering, 

showing that the Lord is near! ‘

John Newton (1725-1807)

I have been enjoying the walk through my works garden to reach the door when I get to work, and maybe enjoying the walk out more!  The reason I have enjoyed this so much is that the wisteria hanging over the wall from the next door garden has such a wonderful scent.  I am overwhelmed with the colour of the blue flowering bush next to it and the scent from the beautiful white hanging flowers from the wisteria.  It is a heavenly scent.

The Lord blessed me with the words of this hymn at the service at which I became a member of my church and something of the sweetness and longing of the prayer within the words came back to me today:

Beautiful Lord, wonderful Saviour

I know for sure all of my days are held in Your hand

Crafted into Your perfect plan

You gently call me into Your presence

Guiding me by Your Holy Spirit.

Teach me dear Lord

To live all of my life through Your eyes.

I’m captured by Your holy calling,

Set me apart, I know You’re drawing me to Yourself.

Lead me Lord I pray.

Take me, mould me, use me, fill me

I give my life to the Potter’s hand

Call me, guide me, lead me, walk beside me

I give my life to the Potter’s hand

(Words and Music by Darlene Zschech, Ó1997 Darlene Zschech/Hillsongs Australia, CCLI #146987)

I leave this with you for the weekend.  I am off to cheer my eldest daughter as she graduates tomorrow and I get to see Rochester Cathedral as well, a place I have never been so it should be an enjoyable experience all round.

We are doing a series at church about wanting more of the right things in our lives.  This Sunday is about wanting more of the Holy Spirit and a quick sweep of the texts in the Bible relating to the work of the Holy Spirit in believers’ lives gave me the following encouragement:

Titus 3:5 says people are reborn and renewed by the Holy Spirit.

The Holy Spirit is given to those who are obedient (Acts 5:32);

because of the love of God towards us (Romans 5:5) and;

believers are assured because of the indwelling of the Holy Spirit (sealed with Him, Ephesians 1:13)

The Holy Spirit encourages (Acts 9:31) and guides (Acts 13:2-4);

Christians’ hearts are prepared by the Holy Spirit (Acts 20:23).

The Holy Spirit teaches and testifies to us (Hebrews 10:15).

The Holy Spirit brings righteousness, peace and joy (Romans 14:17);

His power gives us power (Romans 15:13). 

We are sanctified through the work of the Holy Spirit (Romans 15:16). 

The Holy Spirit gives us gifts.  (Hebrews 2:4).

More of this?  YES PLEASE!

I have been thinking this week about my Day Centre talk next Tuesday.  It occurred to me that the people who attend the Day Centre might wonder why I would want to stand up and share every month with them a little story or two with a spiritual comment.

We had a lovely trip out today to Herstmonceaux Castle and then on to Michelham Priory, both near the South coast of England.  I will be telling people in the next few days about my lovely trip out today because I enjoyed myself, I like historic places and I love the nature that I see around me (a special moment with a heron today, watching as it fished successfully), as well as enjoying taking photographs and pouring over them on my return.  I have some lovely memories of today.

If we have enthusiasm about something, it makes us want to tell other people about it, to share why we enjoy it, to encourage them to try it and, because it has made us happy, we want others to know that happiness.

So it is when we know the Lord Jesus as our Saviour and King that we have been given eternal life, the promise of heaven and also the presence of the Lord Himself in the person of the Holy Spirit whilst we live here on earth.  It is such an awesome experience that we naturally want to share it with those around us because we want them to know the joy and freedom that comes from knowing salvation through Jesus.

As I passed  by the bright yellow polyanthus and daffodils in my garden on my way to my car this morning, I thought of how much they had been through weatherwise in the past few weeks.  We have had snow, hail, rain, sun, wind - every type of weather has been thrown at those flowers.  Yet they stand upright again, brightening up my mornings as I pass them on my way to work and when I get home.

It occurred to me that it was something of a lesson in life.  They have suffered so much battering and buffetting yet they still stand, shining out their glory to all who pass by. 

I also thought that the weather they had suffered had made them stronger.  They had been bowed and bedraggled but the plants had gained nutrition from the rain and the soil and have grown, in spite of, and because of the weather.

The 'weather' thats thrown at us in life might make us bowed and bedraggled for a time but I pray that ultimately it makes us stronger and more fruitful so that we can brighten people's mornings and lead them to thoughts of their Creator.

'Behold, My Servant, whom I uphold; My chosen one in whom My soul delights. I have put My Spirit upon Him; He will bring forth justice to the nations. He will not cry out or raise His voice, nor make His voice heard in the street. A bruised reed He will not break, and a dimly burning wick He will not extinguish; He will faithfully bring forth justice. He will not be disheartened or crushed, until He has established justice in the earth; and the coastlands will wait expectantly for His law.' (Isaiah 42:1-4)

I just wanted to say hello after nearly two weeks silence.  I have had a very hectic time!  First I had a weekend in our wedding hotel given to me by my husband for my 50th birthday and a lovely camera.  As if that was not enough, he had organised a family gathering at my parents house in the Midlands.  How lovely to see everyone and be able to spend some time with them all. 

I had prayed that the Lord would bless the weekend, whatever was happening (it was kept as a surprise for me) and I felt the Lord answered, especially when, on the Sunday, everyone who could attended church in the morning and that service was blessed to some of the attendees.  We had a week off work after that, and visited some lovely places, enjoying the creation of God and having a short rest.

How blessed I am to have such a family here!  And what's more, not only do I have that family but also I am part of God's family, part of all those equally loved by our Father who has given His all for us, His children and continues to bless, guide and help us during our lives. 

I have been back to work for a week and have had some important meetings - it has been an uneasy week for one reason or another. But last week I also heard for the first time the saying that goes something like, 'when you hit rock bottom, then the Rock at the bottom is Christ Jesus' or words to that effect. It has stayed with me all week and I have felt the comfort of it, even though, just at the moment, things in my 'garden' are not all particularly rosy.  But I have known that however hurt or uncertain I feel, the Lord Jesus Christ, who is wholly faithful and true to His word, is my Rock.  Praise Him!

Following my reading of and response to “Mum’s” comments on revival (raised on the GraceInAction ‘What You Want To Talk About’ page), I was standing out in the garden thinking about the whole subject.

I heard a scuffling sound to the left of me and as I stood there, a hedgehog snuffled past me on what seemed a well worn path.  I was surprised to see this little animal so soon because of its hibernation cycle in the winter.  (Actually, in checking what I thought were facts about hedgehog lifestyle, I found that ‘all wild hedgehogs can hibernate, although not all do; hibernation depends on temperature, abundance of food and species.’’ http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Hedgehog).

Anyway, it occurred to me, as I watched it disappear around the corner of the house that, at the very least, personal spiritual revival begins a little like the hedgehog hibernation cycle. 

The hedgehog is woken by the warming of the weather after the winter months, the timing being completely out of its control because the weather could warm up enough earlier in the year as it sometimes does or it might stay too cold for later than is considered ‘normal’. But once the hedgehog is ‘warmed’ out of hibernation, it must start searching for food and drink or it will die.

The warming up of the weather bringing the hedgehog out of hibernation seemed to me a picture of how the Holy Spirit works in people as He blows in when and where He wishes (John 3v8), waking them up from their ‘sleep’ which gives them searching hearts to look for ‘food’ from their Creator God and prompting prayer for ‘His Kingdom to come, and His will to be done, on earth as it is in heaven’ (Matthew 6v10).

Just so that no-one worries or wonders where I have disappeared to, I have reached my big 50 birthday.. half a century... and will be away for a week or so.  I will add to my blog if I have the opportunity but as I don't know what's happening - I believe some sort of surprise is in order but suspect only and know nothing - I can't be sure whether the opportunity will arise.

I am very thankful for the many blessings I have received and that continue as I go on into my 51st year and beyond if Gods will.  Thank you to all who have frequented my website and supported and encouraged me. I will 'see' you in a week or so. 

It's been a very odd Easter.  The weather has been cold and wet and we have only been out once during the holiday. It was so cold we didn't stay out more than an hour, just long enough to get a breath of fresh air on Friday.  I was really pleased to finally get to church to worship a risen Lord and remember what the holiday was really about.  Easter bunnies and eggs are all very nice but really have no relevance to remembering the risen Saviour.

The service was very encouraging.  There was a baptism of an 18 year old boy, Andrew, who had come to know the Lord Jesus as his Lord and wanted to show his commitment in baptism.  The symbolism of going down into the water, the grave, and coming out, risen, in new life was particularly appropriate at this time. 

The part I found most confirming was when the Pastor spoke from Acts 3 where Peter and John healed the lame man in the temple gate, which gave them the opportunity to preach the good news of the resurrection to the people but were then arrested, imprisoned and questioned.  Wayne, the Pastor said 'Every time the disciples talked about Jesus and His resurrection, bad things kept happening to them but they kept on because they were witnesses to the resurrection and believed in it'. 

He then went on to point out Acts 4v13 which in the NIV Bible is translated 'When they saw the courage of Peter and John and realized that they were unschooled, ordinary men, they were astonished and they took note that these men had been with Jesus.'  In some other versions it is translated as boldness, not courage, but either way, I felt a renewed courage in my Lord. He lifted my spirit to move forward in Him and the plan He has for me as His disciple.  May I have courage now to continue to make Jesus known whenever He gives me the opportunity based on knowing Jesus and His resurrection myself.

I want to thank the Lord for all His many blessings to me because even when bad things are happening and life seems very blurred and fuzzy, He has still saved me, He still loves me, He remains faithful and caring.  None of these things have changed, only my feelings on this day.  

I know that all things are in His hands, that He will bring me through and that it will have been for my good because 'we know that all things work together for good to them that love God, to them who are the called according to his purpose.' (Romans 8v28). 

I want to thank the Lord and ask for His blessing on my relatives and friends because I have such regular support, such love and such encouragement through them as they become His hands and voice when helping me or rejoicing with me.  May the glory all be the Lords because all things emanate from Him.

I have been listening to an album called 'Treasure' that a friend loaned to me by a lady called Lou Fellingham and these words just described my heart exactly.  I hope you enjoy them too and maybe go and buy the album because many of the songs are helpful and real:

All I have and all I am is Yours
There’s nothing that I have on earth that doesn’t come from You
I lay aside my pride and worldly worth
To serve You is the greatest thing that I could ever do.
For unless You build this house
I am building it in vain
Unless the work is Yours
There is nothing to be gained
I want something that will stand
When Your Holy fire comes
Something that will last
And to hear You say “Well done”
Giving Glory to You Lord
Glory to You Lord
So easy to desire what others have
Instead of seeing all the gifts that You have given me
So help me fan the flame which You began
And burn in me a love for You that all will clearly see

Lou Fellingham, Nathan Fellingham & busbee
Copyright © 2005 Thankyou Music & The Livingstone Collective/Adm by kingswaysongs.com

It is seven days since my last blog and really, it feels like those seven days have not been a time of moving forward but more, a time of spiritually standing still and finally, yesterday, falling backwards.  Is it just me or does everyone have a time of wonder and praise, a feeling of finally understanding just a little more and then, just when they feel to be marching for Jesus, falter and fall back into stumbling on or worse, stumbling backwards?

Last week, I had felt such joy because I had put forward an idea to the Church Secretary which might show the Lord's love amongst the congregation of the church and which may come to fruition later, once a system is in place.  I had also on Saturday managed to speak to my near neighbour to invite her children to the Easter Sunday School celebration being held at the Village Hall, just down the road from us.  She had replied quite positively and I had felt it was a step forward in taking an opportunity given and 'building relationships' (see previous blog entry).

Then yesterday, I had a meeting with two people, where my skills and character were thoroughly rubbished.  I expected such remarks from one of those people and was prepared for such but the other, one who I had supported through thick and thin when he was going through difficult times less than a year ago  and previously when he had an operation, betrayed me.  These were people to whom I had remained loyal to, stayed with and helped through every kind of business difficulty.  The charge was spurious.  In fact, it was not just spurious, it was downright untrue.  I kept silent from the beginning to the end of the 'prosecution' case.  But I could not formulate my 'defence' clearly.  I was so angry I wanted to cry.  And it was clear that no one would 'hear' me anyway.  So I left it.

In the midst of my misery, I remembered it was Easter, a time to be reminded about Jesus Christ who is God, a perfect man, who experienced betrayal by not only all His people who He had created, who He had healed, poor people who had been given hope and prisoners whose chains He had broken but specifically one of his closest 'colleagues', Judas Iscariot. 

"Whom do you seek?" They answered him, "Jesus of Nazareth." Jesus said to them, "I am he." Judas, who betrayed him, was standing with them.  (John 18). 

As if that was not enough, Simon Peter goes on to deny His Lord three times. 'The servant girl at the door said to Peter, "You also are not one of this man’s disciples, are you?" He said, "I am not."'(John 18).  The other disciples went away.

The Gospel of John chapter 18 is full of challenge to those of us who follow Christ Jesus.  Who am I standing with? Jesus was wrongly charged, He had done no wrong but He stayed silent other than stating who He was.  'I AM'.  And through the betrayals and the silence, the Messiah died.  He gave all for His friends even though they had betrayed Him.

Another quick blog entry as I have a busy week ahead with two Parish Council related meetings, but just to confirm I am going along relatively easily at the moment without smoking (Day 12 this time around) but I hardly dare say it for fear of falling again.

I am reading a book by Bill Hybels called Just Walk Across the Room which I am finding very interesting.  It is about 'evangelising' but in a 'build a relationship and trust first' type of way.  It talks about following the Holy Spirit's promptings and, that by just holding out your hand to someone and introducing yourself, it can be used as a link in the chain that eventually leads that person to Jesus.

I am finding this book confirming in the way the Holy Spirit has been leading me over the last couple of years and inspiring in practical ways of how to approach and speak to people in an unforced way which is something I am not overly gifted in .. and I am only a third of the way through it!

Anyway, off to the Parish Council meeting.

If you are a regular visitor to GraceInAction, you will have seen my 'Shoes' page.  I gave my monthly 'chat' at the Over 60's Day Centre on Tuesday lunchtime, using the shoes analogy as a basis for the content.  I was really helped to give my talk and I had a further thought on the same subject.

Jesus has already 'walked in our shoes'.  He has already provided 'shoes' for our protection and comfort.  The 'shoes' He has provided are for every occasion, for every part of our life.

It was great to know a real comfort and motivation to continue, not to give up but to go on for His sake and for His glory.  Jesus walked in our shoes even unto death.  I thank Him for that commitment and sacrifice.

This is a very quick blog entry and it is just to say don't give up!  Like these crocus that re-grow every springtime, even though they die off into the ground and are hidden, keep going and you will flower again. 

Don't give up looking at my website!  I will be updating it regularly and continuing to talk to you, I hope!  I have been recouperating from my operation, the anaesthetic has taken its time to leave my body and I feel as if I have been underground like the crocus bulb.  The anaesthetic left me tired and unable to concentrate but I am just about back to normal now!  Thank you so much for your prayers.

I haven't given up giving up smoking!  I have had a further set back, followed by a conversation with my doctor in desperation at ever being able to succeed but have been free for six days again after a day of smoking last Wednesday.  As I said before, I might have lost a few nicotine battles but the war will be won in the end.  I hope to be in full flower eventually.  Thank you again so much for your prayers.

Don't give up on the Lord, He will never give up on you.

'Being confident of this very thing, that He who has begun a good work in you will perform it until the day of Jesus Christ …'  Philippians 1v6

As an update to my last blog, I am recouperating slowly, more from the general anaesthetic effects of the operation than the operation itself.  Today has been a better day, less shaky, less tearful, and I have had NO pain at all to cope with.  I am truly grateful for that and I thank everyone for their prayers.  I am having to leave it all in the Lord's hands. 

Yesterday afternoon, my daughter Julia left England with Dan, her boyfriend, to travel the world until June 2009.  I heard this afternoon that they have arrived safely in Vietnam after a short stopover in Hong Kong.  They have two nights in a hostel to get their bearings before they set off on their trek which will lead them through South East Asia to Thailand, on to Australia, to Fiji and finally to cross Canada before their return to England.  I can only leave them in the Lord's hands for His protection and guidance of them.

I have managed not to smoke for 8 days again.  I have stayed on the smallest nicotine patches because I didn't want to go back to a higher intake of nicotine again.  I can only leave the continuance of not smoking in the Lord's hands and pray that he will keep me.

I want to be able to say with Paul the apostle, (and he really knew what affliction and trouble was, my troubles are minor in comparison):

'But we have this treasure in jars of clay to show that the surpassing power belongs to God and not to us.  We are afflicted in every way, but not crushed; perplexed but not driven to despair; persecuted but not forsaken; struck down but not destroyed; - and this is the hard part - always carrying in the body the death of Jesus, so that the life of Jesus may also be manifested in our bodies. (2 Corinthians 4 v 7-10)

Paul continues for encouragement: 'For it is all for your sake, so that as grace extends to more and more people, it may increase thanksiving, to the glory of God.  So we do not lose heart'. (2 Corinthians 4 v 15 and 16)

I have to go in to hospital tomorrow for a routine, minor operation on my nose.  My daughter, Julia is taking me in and staying with me if necessary.  My daughter Sarah has changed her shift so that she is working in the hospital where I'm having the operation for that day.  My husband is working but has asked if he can have his mobile on so that he is contactable to receive updates and to be called immediately if necessary.  This is practical love.

And this morning, the sun was rising as I drove in to work and reminded me of the One God, who is Love and of Jesus, the Sun of Righteousness.

The heavens declare the glory of God and the sky above proclaims His handiwork.  Psalm 19v1

How hard this blog has been to write.  I know that everyone is praying for me and I know that they are willing me on.  But I did it again.  I smoked again.  This time on Saturday.  Here are the reasons or excuses, depending on how you look at it.  Then I will tell you what help I received Sunday morning.

• I am getting fat.  I am obsessed with food.  When I replace the need for a cigarette with a biscuit, I eat the whole packet.  I can't stop.  I don't even normally eat biscuits or sweets.  They are not my 'thing'!  But here I am binge eating, just to overcome the need for one cigarette.
• I am lacking in motivation in my work and have little focus and concentration.  I have realised that I have used cigarettes as motivation for a very long time, probably as long as 20 years, in my life.  How did I do that?  I have said to myself that I can have a cigarette when I have finished the particular task I am undertaking.  When I have done the shopping.  Or the washing up.  Or the accounts work.  Living my life has been based on working towards the next cigarette.  So now when I get to the end of a task (if I manage to motivate myself to start one in the first place!) I feel a sense of emptiness and loss.
• The third point relates to my Bible reading and prayer life, my relationship with my Saviour.  I applied the same motivation.  And that is the hardest to overcome.  Hence the biscuit tin emptying miraculously by itself (I'm sure there is a little leprechaun in there) or the loaf of bread disappearing.

So back to Saturday and the disappointment, the failure, the desperation, the loss of faith. I bought a packet of 10.  I smoked 7.  But something on Saturday night before I went to bed made me pour water into the packet to destroy the three that were left.  I suddenly had a moment of strength to do this.  I believe that strength came from the Lord.

On Sunday morning, I just did not want to get out of bed.  I couldn't think of one good reason to get up.  And then my daughter Sarah rang.  I told her how I was feeling.  She gave up smoking about two years ago, had a 'relapse' during her exams last year and then gave up again very quickly. 

But she listened to me.  She wasn't disappointed or surprised or expecting me not to be feeling any ill effects or judgemental.  And when I outlined what I have said above, she said, why don't you buy something that you really like to have when you really need a cigarette but in little packs, for example, Iced Gems (a type of tiny biscuit with a little blob of icing on the top) which are only 98 calories a pack.  Then you can eat the whole packet without taking in so many calories.  And another thing, I thought,  was I LOVE cappachino coffee but very rarely have it so I could buy some single packets and just have one as a type of substitute.

Sarah also said it was no good confusing the trying to stop smoking with the trying not to put on weight.  It had to be one or the other and when the non-smoking was less of a problem, to deal with the weight.  The important thing at the moment is the non-smoking because of the small operation to my nose that I am booked in for on Thursday so to focus on that and that alone.

I felt that the Lord had got Sarah to call me.  It doesn't sound much and it sounds very obvious practical advice but it really helped me at that moment in time.  I was able to get up and get going.  I praised the Lord at church and heard His word on repentance, on turning round.  And I went and bought packs of Iced Gems and some Cappachino single sachets for use at critical times. 

And here I am, on Day Three, for the third time.  I may be losing some battles but I will win the war.  For Jesus.  For His glory.

Just to record that I am nicotine free again today and have been really kept.  Thanks to everyone for their prayers, they really are appreciated.  I know I must not give up relying on God because it is in relying on myself that I fall. Put on the whole armour of God.

Preserve me, O God, for in you I take refuge.  I say to the Lord, 'You are my Lord; I have no good apart from you.'   Psalm 16v1

I have fallen.  I have smoked.  I don't want to write this but I must be truthful. 

I could brush it under the carpet, pretend it never happened but it would not be a true account then, would it?  And how would it help anyone else in the same situation?  They would think that somehow, I was better than them and that is not the case, it can't be.  (Because we are all the same, all sinners).

I had a couple last night when I couldn't cope any longer.  I prayed but I still couldn't cope so I had a couple.  It was stupid.  A waste of the previous 44 days.  I was and am furious with myself.  I feel a failure again.  I want to wallow in being a failure because it seems the right thing to do.  Keep beating myself up about it. 

But I cannot keep thinking negatively.  I have to start again.  Remember all the way my Lord God has led me.  Remember my reasons for doing this.  I don't want to be controlled by nicotine.  I want to be wholly the Lords, relying on Him alone.  I want to use my money wisely, not to fund an addiction.  If I don't refocus, I will just keep on smoking and waving my arm as if batting away an irritant fly and saying, 'Oh well, it wasn't the right time...'.  It never is the right time, is it?

I need prayer and most of all I need to refocus on my God.  My reasons for being.  My significance.  What Jesus has done for me and how He alone has changed my life.

You see, I have been drifting for the past three or four days.  I had watched more TV.  I have gone to bed later and am consequently more tired.  I have felt a bit sorry for myself (see Day 39).  I haven't read the Bible or prayed properly, I haven't been building my relationship with my Saviour.  My concentration levels have been very low.  I have been 'stuffing my face' - eating just about anything I could lay my hands on, a sure sign that something is not quite right.  Consequently I have put on weight and felt even more of a failure, or to re-translate, more sorry for myself.  I have just drifted on, not dealing with it.  This is the result.  Its a case of loving and following the world and me more than loving and following Jesus, my Saviour and Lord. 

And when the battle came, I didn't have the armour on. 

So it's Day 1.  God is faithful.  I am not.  I need to deal with it.  To re-arm.  Re-focus.  And rely wholly on God. 

Not on food.  Not on self pity.  Not on other people.  Not on TV and losing myself in someone else's made up world. 

Turn your eyes upon Jesus, Look full in His wonderful face, And the things of this world will grow strangely dim, in the light of His glory and grace.

I am sorry Lord God, heavenly Father, for my unfaithfulness.  Forgive me in Jesus's name.  Lead me in the right road, walk with me. You alone are worthy.  You are Creator and King.  Thank you for your faithfulness.

I was feeling miserable this morning.  A slight tiff with Hubby as he is better and coming down off the cocktail of tablets, a bad night for me, a yearning for some comfort, all added up to feeling sorry for myself.

So I got in the car and drove to work, pushing the boundaries of my start time of 9.00am slightly, and as I drove through the beautiful country lane with the blue sky above and the green grass of the fields, the sheep and the trees, the thought came into my head:

SELF PITY IS SELF WORSHIP.

And so it is. 

Thank you Lord for pointing it out.  I don't want to worship myself.  I want to worship You and You alone.  Thank You, Lord, for everything, all Your blessings and providences.  Your mercies endure forever.  Please reign in me.

I just want to record the Lord's continuing goodness to me.

Today was the first real stress test of whether I would succumb to relying on my old friend, the cigarette.  I have been expecting a big 'test' but I was sorry it was for this reason. 

Hubby twisted his back yesterday but, after a nights sleep, thought he felt well enough to get up and go to work.  All was well until he got in the car and then the pain was so great, he got stuck in his seat.  When it subsided a little, he managed to make his way back into the house, into the kitchen, but started fainting with the pain.  I didn't know what to do.  Call an ambulance?  Call the doctor?  It was 6.45am.

I called a doctor, they explained to me what to do to make Hubby comfortable, thankfully we already had some of the right painkillers, and, after some time, I got him laid flat on the bed and reasonably safe and warm.  Then I wanted a cigarette.  I was extremely worried about him.  He was as white as a sheet and fainting.  It was frightening.  I wanted to comfort myself, I wanted a calming influence.  I had had a stressful time.  I felt I owed it to myself to de-stress now I had 'dealt' with the situation, just the one , what's wrong with that?  I deserved it, didn't I?

But I didn't have one.  I didn't buy a packet neither did I roll myself one out of Hubby's tobacco.  I just didn't have one.  I don't know why, I just know that there is still that 'hedge' that I mentioned previously, some sort of boundary in my head that doesn't want to buy a packet or smoke that one cigarette. 

Psalm 139v5 says 'You hem me in, behind and before, and lay your hand upon me.' 

And I am so thankful to the Lord for that because anytime previously, something like this has happened and I have immediately started smoking again.  Because of how it was before, I am sure that it is He who is giving me strength, He who has put that boundary in place. 

And just as an added bonus, when the doctor finally rang to talk to me about Hubby's back, and to give a prescription for bigger painkillers, I asked him if he would give me some nicotine patches, the final step ones and he has done so, three weeks worth which would have cost £33 in the shop but only cost £6.85 because he prescribed them.  That was an added blessing.  So I just want to praise the Lord for all His wonderful works to the children of men.  Psalm 121 seems particularly fitting today and may the Lord be glorified because:

'I lift my eyes to the hills.  From where does my help come?  My help comes from the Lord, who made heaven and earth.  He will not let your foot be moved; he who keeps you will not slumber...

..The Lord will keep you from evil; he will keep your life.  The Lord will keep your going out and your coming in from this time forth and for evermore.' 

(NB: I have just topped the £150 mark in savings from not smoking.  It's one thing to have not spent the money.  Now I need to use it wisely.  I have put a link to the Compassion website on my interesting links page.  I have found their way of managing needy children, money, Jesus and sponsors quite inspiring.  It is something to think about but I want the Lord to guide me.)

I have been thinking about how we look at each other.  If you look at someone in the street or when you meet them for the first time, what do you see?  Or even when you know them?  Do you notice their shape?  their colour? their clothes? their face? how they move? their wealth? their health?  We all see something different depending on our character and make a judgement based on our own expectations and experience of life and other people. 

I particularly notice people's eyes and mouths, and often how, when someone smiles, their face is changed completely.  But I have a tendency to judge what I assume someone will be like by their eyes and how they react to me and this judgement is based on my expectation and experience of other people that I have met during my life.  I know this is not right.

This made me think about how God sees people, me and you.  I think it is a simple answer. 

Almighty, Creator God is holy and just.  When He looks at each individual in the human race, He sees them all as sinners.  Not as fat or thin.  Not as tall or short.  Not as rude or as kind.  Not as beautiful or as ugly.  Not as twisted or damaged.  Not as poor or rich.  Not as healthy or poorly.  Just as sinners, right through, from top to bottom. 

People, the people Almighty God created in His own image, are sinners.  Everyone.  None is righteous, no, not one (Romans 3v10).  It doesn't matter what we look like.  What clothes we wear.  How ugly we are.  How intelligent we are.  Almighty God sees us all exactly the same.  As sinners through and through.  And He cannot look on sin because He is just and holy and He must destroy sin by death.  For the wages of sin is death. (Romans 6v23)

So what hope do we have?  We cannot change our sinnership. 

Jesus can.  Jesus lived as a man, He was born, He spent his childhood with a mother and father, He learnt a trade, He went through all the traumas, temptations and difficulties that we have to deal with in our own lives.  But Jesus Christ, the Son of God, did it perfectly, without sin.  He lived a holy life so that He could take our place.  On the cross, Jesus died instead of us.  He did not deserve to die.  We do because we are sinners.  But Jesus paid the wages of sin for us, He overcame death and paid the price of God's wrath because He is love.  No-one else would have been worthy to do so but the perfect Son of God.

We cannot change how we look before God by anything we try to do, because we are always going to be natural born sinners and we cannot keep the law of God.  We cannot make ourselves holy however hard we try, how ever much we try to pay, by being good or by chastising ourselves. 

There is only one way to meet God's requirements and that is by believing in Jesus. Instead of God seeing us clothed in the dirty rags of our sin, He views us clothed in robes of Jesus' righteousness, His holiness.  It is His free gift.  Who can comprehend such love? 

For the wages of sin is death, but the free gift of God is eternal life in Christ Jesus our Lord. (Romans 6v23).

Almighty God's opinion of how we look when we stand before Him is the only one that matters.  It matters because for us, it means either eternal life or eternal death.  He looks at whether we are dressed in our natural born sinful rags or whether we have been covered with the blood and sacrifice of Jesus Christ, His Son. 

If you don't know the Lord Jesus Christ, ask Him to teach you about Himself.  Seek Him for forgiveness, confess your sins and ask for His Holy Spirit to enable you to follow Him.  Learn about Him by reading the Bible.  It is all there for the reading.  It is free and no-one is too bad to know the forgiveness of their sins because we are all the same.  But you have to ask, to acknowledge that you are a sinner and the Lord Jesus promises that if you seek Him, you will find Him.  (Matthew ch's 5 - 7). 

If you have any questions, feel free to ask, use the Contact Form on the other page in this web site and I will try to help.

If we have the undeserved, free gift of Jesus in our hearts and lives, we will want to share it with others because we know how important it is.  We cannot judge others because we all start out the same.  Born in sin (Psalm 51v5).  But we can share the same hope that we have with them that they too might have eternal life.

Its the end of four nicotine free weeks that have mostly been easier than expected.  I am still nicotine free other than the amount of 'drug' the patch allows me to have throughout the day and I have been on the 'Step 2' patches for two weeks.  I have decided to stay on these for another two weeks before I move down to 'Step 3'.  I have only had four days in those four weeks where I have really struggled with screaming in my head, otherwise it has been relatively quiet.  What I have noticed is that although those days were hard to get through, I did not HAVE to rush out and buy a packet of cigarettes.  Somehow, at the moment, I have a block against actually buying any cigarettes or smoking any.  I believe the Lord has built that 'hedge' for me.  I have not had this 'hedge' previously.

The other thing I have been thinking about is 'walls'.  Coping mechanisms.  How I managed my life with cigarettes and how I can manage without.  And how I have managed the difficult times in my life.

For example, I replace times when I would relax with a cigarette with times of busyness.  Not necessarily, but sometimes, (and some might say, not enough times!) I do housework but also cardmaking, writing letters, other things that I would have just let slip by as not important or rather, as less important, had I been smoking. 

I work on my website.  I think and pray about where the Lord is leading me in His plan for me (For we are His workmanship, created in Christ Jesus for good works, which God prepared beforehand that we should walk in them. (Ephesians 2:10)) , things like this website and what I should put on it next for His glory or my next 'talk' to the over 60's at the Day Centre (it's tomorrow; I am using the story of the darkness and light which was my first 'blog' entry on here although the talk is slightly extended).  I pray more often and read the Bible and other books.

But I have other 'walls' or coping mechanisms that I have erected in my mind that the Lord is teaching me about.  One of my biggest walls is my attitude to people's love for me and my love for them.  I am very cynical about the concept of love and what that means and I have trained myself over the years, as I have got hurt, not to accept love nor to show love in any touchy feely sort of way or to react particularly either way. This is a coping mechanism which allows me not to get hurt if someone who I believe loves or loved me hurts me or lets me down. 

But it is not a biblical coping mechanism.  It has spilled over into my spiritual life.  It is a barrier in my relationship between Jesus and me.  Although I know He has died for me, for my sin, and that because of His great love for me (For God so loved the world that He gave His only begotten Son, that whoever believes in Him should not perish but have everlasting life.  John 3:16), yet I have still kept my 'wall' in place because, however ridiculous it sounds in relation to a God who IS love, I am afraid of being hurt.  And I know I am not alone.  Many other people have coping mechanisms in place to protect themselves and their feelings.

But the Lord knows our individual needs.  Amazingly, the Lord has been teaching me about His faithfulness, about trusting Him in all things, about His surety, about building on the Rock that is unmoveable and unshakeable.  He constantly gives to me in abundance new teaching to confirm the truth of His character.  But of course this is scary.  It is frightening because the more I learn of my security in Christ, the more I have to rely on Him and the more control I relinquish.  And that is the really scary word.  CONTROL.  Giving up CONTROL.

But I have had the words of Peter come into my mind, a man who liked to be in control, who was quite sure of himself, who made his own decisions and asked the questions, who fell spectactularly and publicly in denying his Lord and Saviour three times but who later, when he had relinquished control of his own destiny, and had obeyed his Lord's command to follow Him and feed His sheep said:

'be clothed with humility: for God resisteth the proud, and giveth grace to the humble. Humble yourselves therefore under the mighty hand of God, that he may exalt you in due time: Casting all your care upon Him; for He careth for you.'  (1 Peter 5 v 5-7)

Peter had clearly come to realise that if he cast all his care on Christ, his Saviour and the One who truly loved him, then the Lord would care for him and exalt him in due time, and that he would be given grace.  For someone like me who the Lord spoke to through the words 'You shall love your God with all your heart, with all your soul, with all your mind and with all your strength ... You shall love your neighbour as yourself'(Mark 12v30), almost the worst words I could have been given from my character's point of view, Peter's example shows me that through the Lord's sacrifice, I too can follow Him, and feed His sheep but I must relinquish control of myself, however frightening that is, and cast all my care upon Him.  It is He who truly cares for me.  And when I know this care for myself, I must share it with others.  And prepare to be hurt, whatever.

(During the writing of this blog, I lost half of it three times and have had to retype it three times.  I hope it is all here but it is now 12.40am and I should have gone to bed nearly an hour ago.  I hope this is right to have continued retyping it.  It has been hard to write anyway, without the loss of the work! I pray the Lord will bless it to you.)

Well, I want to write something about concentration but I don't know what, quite.  I will write and see what happens!

I have seriously struggled again over yesterday and this morning, the 'I want nicotine' gremlins in my head are screaming again and although I am quite firm in my mind that I do not want to smoke again, some deficiencies are showing themselves which are spoiling my ability to communicate with family and friends.  It is causing friction and stress which is a vicious circle for me because as soon as I am stressed, I start thinking about having a cigarette and then become more stressed! 

I find, personally, one of the biggest problems with nicotine withdrawal is my inability to concentrate.  I have always been able to focus and concentrate for long periods of time but, without cigarettes, I have the concentration span of a gnat (which is insulting a gnat's concentration span because actually, mine is probably shorter!).  Consequently, I am not managing my diary very successfully because I forget what I have agreed and I am double booking things where I have forgotten others which is causing annoyance (understandably!) amongst my friends and family. 

I am not at all sure what I am writing now.  I just wanted to record that yesterday and today have not been good days, my mind has emptied and I am feeling stressed.  I am praying as usual but my mind is blank as if, not only have I lost my focus but also the Lord has gone too. 

But, I am saying to myself now, I set this website up to be encouraging and supportive, to help where I could.  In a sense, though, in describing my weaknesses, it IS being supportive because the very fact that I am going through this and WILL get out the other side with the Lord's strength, might help others who will go through the same or similar withdrawals and struggles.

And I just find flashing into my mind how Jesus knows our infirmities because He has been through them too and in Psalm 103v14, the Psalmist writes 'he knows our frame, he remembers that we are dust'. 

'For because he himself has suffered when tempted, he is able to help those who are being tempted' Hebrews 2v18

So I find myself asking the Lord and King of my heart to reign in me, that I might firstly have the strength to overcome the temptation and then to be of help to those who are tempted in the same way. 

I could not reach Day 21 without thanking the Lord for His help and strength in keeping me from returning to my nicotine habit and without thanking you for your prayers and support.  I also felt that I must not take this achievement for granted, thinking I am 'alright now' but must keep focussing on the reasons that I gave up smoking, particularly that the Lord would have full control of my life and that I would trust in Him for all things, not in myself or in the drug in the cigarettes.  I know that He will keep His promise to 'make my ways straight' (Proverbs 2 v 5&6 - see previous blog, Day 2) but I must keep my eyes fixed on Jesus, the Author and Finisher of my faith.

In the past, as soon as I take my eyes off Jesus, I am tempted away.  I fall into justifying myself for returning to old worldly habits, following cravings that, although giving momentary pleasure, cause me to lose the presence of the Holy Spirit.  Then follows hours of guilt and worry that the Lord would not have saved someone like me who cannot follow Him even for a short time, the negative example it gives to those who are my family, friends and acquaintances and worse, the hurt and pain that I cause Jesus by turning away from Him.  I am reminded of this text where the disciples just could not stay awake whilst their Lord was suffering for them in the Garden of Gethsemane.

'So, could you not watch with me one hour? Watch and pray that you  may not enter into temptation.  The spirit indeed is willing but the flesh is weak.' (Matthew 26 v 40&41 ESV)

I am thankful that I can read the details of the characters and lives of the disciples, particularly Peter, in the Bible.  They walked and talked with Jesus in person for three years yet they still found it difficult, they wandered off and did not always understand.  Even after Jesus' death and resurrection, they went back to their previous lives, their fishing, that they had been specifically called away from by Jesus ('Follow me and I will make you fishers of men' Matthew 4 v 19) because they felt bewildered and hurt at what had happened to them.  It wasn't going how they had expected, it seemed that they had lost everything they believed in and they had lost their hope and the presence of their Lord.  And what's more, they had gone back to their fishing and they weren't catching anything.  There was no satisfaction in their old life either (John 21). 

What an encouragement it is to me that Jesus came to find them where they had returned to their fishing.  He knew where they were, He understood how they felt and came to find them, the Shepherd looking for His sheep.  It was He who filled their nets full of fish and gave them hope and security again.  What love!

There is a special moment for me in the words of Jesus to Peter at this time and something for us all when we know Jesus as our Saviour and Lord:

''Do you love me more than these?'  Peter said to Him 'Yes Lord, you know that I love you'.  He said to him 'Feed my lambs'. (John 21v15)  and 'Follow me' (v19)

I have been thinking about the rain today, mainly because there hardly seems to have been a break from it.  For the last couple of weeks, there has been wind, rain, heavy cloud and generally gloomy weather.  It has become quite depressing and no-one is about, everyone seems to be hiding away until the sun comes out again.

I was reminded, though, of a couple of verses from the Psalms when I had looked out of the rain covered window at the cloud covered skies  and sighed again for the umpteenth time .  And I realised how wrong I was to be so grumpy about the weather.

My first thought was that it is the command of the Lord that the weather is such and here was I, grumpy about my Lord's command!  The Bible tells us so in Psalm 148 v 5:

'Let them praise the name ofthe Lord for He commanded and they were created'.  Nudge no.1 as my friend calls it when the Lord 'nudges' her about something.

I looked at Psalm 147 after I had looked up this text.  And that tells me why the Lord has command over the weather - after all, we would want constantly sunny days with a slight breeze, wouldn't we?  Verses 8-9 say:

'He covers the heavens with clouds, He prepares rain for the earth, He makes grass to grow on the hills.  He gives to the beasts their food and to the young ravens that cry.'  There was Nudge no.2.  That's why He gives rain and cloud, and He also provides our food and comfort.  It is His creation, His provision.

It seemed to sum it all up for me, and how I should be reacting instead of being grumpy, in Psalm 147 v 1:

'Praise the Lord! For it is good to sing praises to our God.  For it is pleasant and a song of praise is fitting'.

After my last blog, I have been thinking about how there are always those last two or three pieces of the jigsaw missing!  Where do they go to?  They get knocked under the settee and there they lay gathering dust and eventually being found three years later when someone decides to have a 'once in a blue moon' spring clean!  (I refer to my cleaning habits, not of course necessarily yours!  I can only talk about what I know!) And then of course, having found the last piece, the jigsaw has been confined to the bin two years beforehand in frustration at never being able to be finished and become a complete picture.  Or when the hoover bag is emptied, there lies that last piece amongst the rest of the detritus of our lives.

I thought of how in our lives, both naturally and spiritually, we easily become lost, hidden under the 'furniture' of life or the layers of 'dust' that gather over us.  My mind turned to the Good Shepherd who, even when He has ninety nine of His sheep in the fold, He still goes out and brings back the hundreth sheep because the picture is not complete without that little one.

Luke 15 tells us all about us as human beings being lost and how Jesus looks until He finds us.  What comfort this gives us when we are feeling lost and out of the picture.  And what joy there is in heaven and on earth when the last piece of the 'jigsaw' is found, when the last sheep is in the fold, when the lost coin is back with its owner and when the lost son or daughter returns into their heavenly Father's arms.  The picture is then complete.

The biggest blessing is that Jesus will never give up on the rest of the 'picture' because a few pieces are missing.  He will keep calling us until we all come into the fold. 

'But while he was still a long way off, his father saw him and felt compassion and ran and embraced him and kissed him.... let us eat and celebrate for this, my son was dead and is alive again;he was lost and is found' Luke 15 excerpts of v's 20-24

Loving Shepherd of Thy sheep
Keep Thy lamb, in safety keep;
Nothing can Thy power withstand,
None can pluck me from Thy hand.

Loving Shepherd, ever near,
Teach Thy lamb Thy voice to hear,
Suffer not my steps to stray
From the straight and narrow way.

Words: Jane E. Leeson

http://www.cyberhymnal.org/htm/l/s/lstsheep.htm

This is a short blog entry just to say, I have reached the end of Day 14 (the end of the second packet of nicotine patches) and apart from Day 8 (see previous blog entry) and one other less agitated day, it has been manageable and I am still cigarette free and £63 better off!  I wanted to praise the Lord for His help and thank you for your prayers.

I also wanted to just mention why there is a grey jigsaw patterned background to this web site.  It came about by 'accident', so called, not by my attempts at design.  I tried to pick a suitable design, one I thought might be glorifying to God.  I could not decide.  I spent an hour trying different things, different colours, and different designs and praying that I would find the right one.  I rang my Dad in the end, and told him all about it which helped to clear my mind about what the content was to be but not the design! 

When I came off the phone and sat down again to continue, I saw a 'jigsaw' background and clicked the button but didn't know what it would do - you couldn't see the result as a preview - then clicked 'save'.  When I saw the site design, just altered to the 'right' design in one click, I knew the choice had been made for me. 

Why?  because a jigsaw is just like a picture of the Church.  We are all different people, we all have different 'colours' and 'patterns', 'shapes' and parts to play in our lives but when we are all fitted together, we are one whole glorious picture.  We each have our place and position in that picture.

That's what this website is for.  Its for people of all different shapes and sizes, patterns and colours to join together, to share their burdens (Galatians 6v2: 'Bear one another’s burdens, and so fulfil the law of Christ'.), to encourage and strengthen one another and to unite in the love of Christ to make up the whole picture that works for the glory of God and the furthering of His Kingdom.

That's why the jigsaw background was right. 

Romans 12 v 4-5 says:

'For as in one body we have many members, and the members do not all have the same function, so we , though many, are one body in Christ, and individually members of one another.'

My granddaughter Millie had many presents this Christmas, as is the case when you are two years old and have quite a big family of loving Aunts, Uncles and Grandparents.  Grandma (me!) had bought her a play nurses outfit complete with thermometer, stethoscope and watch because I knew how much she liked pretending to be ‘Mummy going shopping’ and thought perhaps she might like to pretend to be ‘Mummy being a nurse’ as Fran, her Mum, is a trained nurse.

By the time we arrived at their house at tea time on Christmas Day with yet more gifts, including the nurses outfit, there had clearly already been much excitement ripping off wrapping paper and receiving new play things to occupy Millie’s mind and give her joy.  Before she opened our present, she opened a play toaster which she thought was great fun.

When she opened the nurses outfit, there was no look of joy on her face, she just looked at it and put it down.  She took the plastic thermometer that was part of the gift and put that under her arm to take her ‘temperature’ but would not touch the dress or try it on.  Fran, her Mum, tried to make her put the clothes and hat on but she simply would not.  I told Fran not to worry and that when she was ready, she would play with it.

On the 7^th January, I received this photo from Fran of Millie dressed in her nurse outfit, smiling happily, as you can see! 

This morning, as I was smiling to myself about the photo and the vagaries of children, I thought about the concept of dressing up and my mind turned to spiritually 'putting on clothes'.  I thought how there appear to be so many exciting things in the world that the gift of a robe of righteousness and wanting to be like the Lord Jesus does not seem very interesting just like my gift of a nurses outfit and being like Mummy to Millie on Christmas Day.  But perhaps, when the excitement of the world and its presents begins to pall, and there ‘is nothing new under the sun’ (Ecclesiastes 1v9), people start looking for meaning, significance and ‘new clothes'.

 For me as a Christian, Romans 13 v 14 says ‘Put on the Lord Jesus Christ’ and in v11 of the same chapter, it says ‘put on the armour of light’.  Jesus clothes us with His righteousness if we know Him as our Saviour and Lord.  But the Lord Jesus not only gives us robes of righteousness to cover our sin but also provides us with armour to put on (Ephesians 6v13) so that we can stand in the ongoing fight against our old self and evil.

But just as Millie was happy to take part of the gift that she found interesting, (the plastic thermometer), I recognised that I am sometimes the same in the way I follow Jesus.  I only want to put on the parts of the armour that interest me at that moment.  I of course want to be protected from the wages of my sin by Jesus so I will 'put on' the helmet of salvation(Ephesians 6 v 17) but do I want to arm myself with, perhaps, the shoes, the gospel of peace? (v15) Or perhaps I would rather leave the shield of faith or the breastplate of righteousness because they seem a bit heavy and hard work? (v16). 

In ‘Pretend Land’, Millie could only be a patient seeking to know if she was healthy by using the thermometer alone yet if she had put on the whole outfit she could have been a nurse and helped to make others healthy. 

When I only take part of the clothes that Jesus offers me, I am not able to serve Him as I should, I am still ‘ill’ and need His healing.  I am not furthering His kingdom neither does He receive the glory that He is worthy of.  Nor am I protected fully from the illness of man that is sin if I do not clothe myself in all the armour that He has provided.  So I must take heed to ‘put on the FULL armour of God’ so that I can serve my Lord and Saviour fully for His glory.

I thought I should give an update on the all clean and shiny, non-smoking Jennifer.  For seven days I was happy.. it was easy.. the nicotine patches were working and apart from the odd little 'urge', no problem at all. 

Yesterday, all that changed.  I had a great lunch with the leaders of the Day Centre where I have just started speaking once a month. It was a really uplifting lunch with more confirmation of how the Lord has been leading me in service to Him. 

I got back to work and the gremlins in my head started screaming... 'give me nicotine', 'one won't hurt', 'why are you giving up anyway?' and more.

Why?  I don't know.  All I know is that somehow I didn't go out and buy a packet of cigarettes, I just carried on working, hoovered when I got home, made some greetings cards and, in between the screaming in my head, asked the Lord to help me.  I really struggled.

This morning I feel normal again. The screaming in my head has stopped.  Was I starting to think that I was managing to kick this habit on my own?  That I could actually rely on myself to give up?  Again, I don't know.  I just know that life is not easy, it is not easier when you are a Christian and you have a relationship with the Lord Jesus Christ but there is help available. You just have to ask the right Person and:

Trust in Him and He will make your paths straight (Proverbs 3v5-6)(this text is much in my mind at the moment, see previous blog).

The well known text from 1 Corinthians 12v9 came into my mind this morning and I felt the truth of it, because of how weak I am:

"My grace is sufficient for thee: my strength is made perfect in weakness"

Jesus has enough strength for me, this is His grace in action.  I hope I can say the next part of the verse as well:

"Most gladly therefore will I rather glory in my infirmities, that the power of Christ may rest upon me".

Thank you for your prayers for me.  They are being answered.  I want to publicly praise the Lord that I am not putting on weight either.  In the past I have put on over three stone when I gave up smoking but my appetite this time seems to be quietly controlled.  And it certainly isn't me controlling it!

If you want prayer for anything, please email me from the 'Prayer and Private Contact page or start a subject in the 'What you want to talk about' page.  At least when I am praying for someone else, I am not thinking about smoking!

As we drove to Penshurst yesterday, a white albino deer ran across the road in front of us and leapt over the fence on the other side of the road.  It was gone as soon as it had appeared.  But it stayed in my mind, that picture of the white deer, so beautiful, so unusual, so free and so graceful, though seen just for a moment.

I thought that sometimes that is how God speaks or reveals Himself to us, just a fleeting touch, a small word, maybe a knowledge of being loved by Him.  But, though a momentary thing, it stays with us, we remember it, it encourages and supports us and we go back to the memory of it again to take strength from it until the next time.  Sometimes its a confirming word that brings together other times of refreshing or teaching.  These little touches quench my thirst and leave me thirsty for more.  I hope you feel the same.

'As a deer pants for flowing steams, so pants my soul for you, O God... these things I remember as I pour out my soul.... my soul is cast down within me; thereore I remember you from the land of Jordan and of Hermon, from Mount Mizar....hope in God; for I shall again praise Him, my salvation and my God.' Excerpts from Psalm 42 (The Bible, ESV)

I wonder if you receive something new, whether you are the kind of person that opens the box and gets stuck in without the instructions, because you are confident in your own ability to set it up or maybe, you just can’t wait to begin?  Or do you read through the instructions carefully before starting to piece it all together?  I tend to be a bit of both.  I do read the instructions but then I get bored when nothing is happening and start trying to work it out myself.  The usual result is going back to the instructions after a great deal of misery and upset!

It struck me some instructions that we really have to follow are totally necessary for everyone’s wellbeing and safety.  One example is driving on the right side of the road – well, in the case of the UK, on the left side of the road!  It would be chaos otherwise and if we chose to drive on the wrong side of the road, we would be a danger to ourselves and others around us. 

Jesus describes himself as ‘the Way, the Truth and the Life’ in John 14 v 6.  For me to follow His instructions and the example He set in His earthly life would be going down the right road as He is the Way. 

As the Truth, He will not give me any false instruction.  How often do we receive or take on board false instruction?  How easy it is to ignore or set aside His instruction and follow another road that has a sign pointing to something that seems more interesting or more beneficial to me at the time. Sometimes I just don’t feel like following the instructions anymore because nothing much seems to be happening. We are always very keen to rely on our own judgement of where we are in our own life especially if everything is  going along just fine.

I ignore His instruction at my peril.  He is the Life so His instruction must be totally necessary for my wellbeing and everyone else.

It’s a process of learning and growing in knowledge and wisdom.  Just as if we have something new and have only skipped through part of the instruction book, then try it out without following the rest of the instructions, we inevitably find that only half of it works, or sometimes, that the whole thing doesn’t work at all because we have missed some crucial step in the process of learning.  It becomes ofno benefit to us at all. 

What is the way forward?  We have to go back to the instruction book, go through the set up steps again or, at the very least, find the step we missed, where we turned aside thinking we were able to rely on our own knowledge from that point and that we knew it all. 

So what if we have lost our way with Jesus and gone our own way, thinking we were doing just fine and that we could manage ourselves?  We have to go back to Jesus in prayer, ask Him to forgive us for ignoring His instruction and for thinking that we knew best and ask that He will guide us again into His way. 

The benefits of following Jesus with our whole heart, apart from knowing His love and salvation in our hearts and that He alone has our best interests at heart, is written in Proverbs 3 v 5-6.

‘Trust in the Lord with all your heart and do not lean on your own understanding.  In all your ways acknowledge Him and He will make straight your paths.’

Why do I ever rely on my own understanding when I have this promise to hold onto?  He will make straight my paths.  What more do I need?  Just to follow the instruction manual, God's word, right to the end and seek His help daily for understanding.   

Turn your eyes upon Jesus, Look full in His wonderful face, And the things of this earth will grow strangely dim, In the light of His glory and grace.

Helen H Hemmel 1922 http://library.timelesstruths.org/music/Turn_Your_Eyes_upon_Jesus/

 I have been a cigarette smoker for more years than I care to remember.  I have given up smoking more times than I care to remember.  I have been collecting nicotine patches, almost as a hobby, for years and therefore was already prepared for 1^st January 2008 to give up again.  I am the type of smoker who is fully addicted to nicotine.  I cannot just smoke occasionally, socially or give up and have a packet in the house for ‘emergencies’.  If I smoke just one cigarette after giving up, I go straight out and buy a whole packet.  So when I give up, I know it has to be for good.  Never again.  Not even one. 

So why put myself through this, I can hear you asking.  It’s a good question and one I seriously thought about before giving up again this New Year. 

It is not the health issue.  I have never worried about my health related to smoking and no ‘scare’ stories have ever had the necessary effect. 

So what about the cost?  It is expensive these days to be addicted to nicotine and £4.50 per day is a fairly serious amount of money which, for me, adds up to £1642.50p a year to be exact.  But it is not so much the actual cost.  It is the thought of how I am spending God’s provision for me.  He has given me skills to work and earn money to provide for myself and others and I have a responsibility to spend that God given money wisely.  The first reason for quitting this time was that cigarettes are not a wise investment of God’s gifts.

What about the control it has over me?  I MUST have a cigarette at certain times of the day.  It makes me irritable when I can’t have one.  I can be in the middle of something and have to go and have a nicotine fix.  I will go outside in all weathers, rain, snow, wind as well as sun, just to have a cigarette.  None of this takes into account the example I am setting to all those walking past as I struggle to take a drag in the howling wind whilst keeping my scarf or umbrella in place.  Now that is serious control.

I have been made a new creature through Jesus’ sacrifice of love for me, had my sins forgiven and been rescued from the wages of sin that lead to death.  Yet I still allow myself to be controlled by the need for a cigarette.  What a small thing my addiction is in comparison to the sacrifice of Jesus Christ for me.  So reason two is my need to respond to the love of Christ by asking the Holy Spirit to take control of my life to work in me for God’s honour and glory, not mine, becoming wholly His and not relying in part on my need of cigarettes.  Which need is more important, I ask myself?

The apostle Paul reminds the Corinthian church, ‘do you not know that your body is a temple of the Holy Spirit within you whom you have from God?  You are not your own, for you were bought with a price.  So glorify God in your body’. (1 Corinthians 6v19-20 The Bible ESV)  The third reason is that I have been contaminating my body, the temple of the Holy Spirit, for a long time.  I cannot fully glorify God if I continue to smoke.

So how can I give up after so long?  I need to pray daily for strength at times of weakness because it is not easy. I need to praise God for each day that He has given me strength not to fall back, knowing that He alone is able to keep me from falling.  I need to rely wholly on Him to provide all my needs.  Why am I anxious? I know that Jesus promised that the Heavenly Father knows all my needs in Matthew 6 and that if I seek the kingdom of God first and His righteousness, all my needs will be met. 

Here is a link on the BBC’s advice on how to give up smoking. I am using nicotine patches and they certainly help.

http://www.bbc.co.uk/health/conditions/addictions/treatmentaddiction_toptips.shtml

But to be truly free, the only one able to do that is the Lord Jesus Christ who, if He sets you free, you will be free indeed (John 8v36).

Something funny happened to me recently and it turned my mind to thinking about spiritual darkness and light.

Recently I moved my computer down to our spare room so that I could work on it if my husband wanted to go to bed so I would not disturb him tapping on the keys. The first night I wanted to continue on with my emails, I shut the very thick curtains and the door, and just switched the little light on above the computer.  When I had finished, I switched off the computer and the light.  I turned in my chair, stood up and headed to where I thought the door was.  It was pitch black in the room.

I couldn't find it.  I moved slowly with my arms outstretched but first bumped into the metal edge of the settee then turned and hit my shin on the edge of the bed.  I lost all sense of direction.  I started feeling along the wall but was going the wrong way and ended up in the opposite corner of the room furthest away from the door.  Everything became very big and frightening. 

I started to panic and get upset.  I didn't recognise any of the furniture I was bumping into.  Every time I turned and crept along, I still could not find the door or the light.  I thought I would just stop looking.

After a short time, although it felt like hours, I thought I must stop being so silly and think properly.  I prayed that God would help me.  In the midst of my panic, I suddenly had a moment of clarity.  I thought, if I lay on the bed with my head on the pillows, I could shuffle to the end of the bed and from there, I would know where the door was! So finally, that's what I did.

I found the door and the light switch next to it and the room was bathed in light.  All the furniture suddenly became the normal size again and I could easily walk round the room and do what I had to because I could see everything in perspective.

It occurred to me that the Bible talks a lot about darkness and light.  In John 12v23, Jesus said 'the one who walks in darkness does not see where he is going'.  That was certainly true of me that night.  Alternatively, 1 John 1v5 says that 'God is light and in Him is no darkness at all'.

I had shut all the light out of the room I was in and that's what we do with God's light.  We hear the word of God, we rely on His light, the sun by day and the moon and stars by night but we shut Him out of our lives with our 'curtains' and 'doors' because we think it will interfere with how we run our own lives and that we can manage ourselves.  But when we have to cope alone in the darkness that we have made, everything seems bigger and frightening and is difficult to cope with.  We bump into things a lot, and go the wrong way even when we are sure we have chosen the right way. 

When I looked to God in my panic, my mind cleared and I found the light switch.  Then the room was in perspective and although nothing had changed in size or shape (except for my bruised and swollen legs!), I could carry on my life.  The obstacles had not disappeared but, in the light, I could see them in a real perspective and consequently could walk round them.

Jesus said 'I am the Light of the world.  Whoever follows me will not walk in darkness but will have the light of life.' (John 8v12, The Bible, ESV).

'For it is you who lights my lamp; the Lord my God lightens my darkness'. (Psalm 18v28, The Bible, ESV)